Yesterday was my “day off” after a pretty tumultuous week. My pain levels are driving me up the wall, and a few people in my life are choosing now, of all times, to be idiotic, pathetic, childish morons. Do you all wait for me to have PMS and be raring to go after you with a hockey stick or are you really just that stupid?! For the record, I could be talking about a plethora of people, so please, don’t flatter yourself into thinking I’m talking about you unless you actually know you’re a moron and have been behaving in a childish, pathetic manner.
It has been my experience that morons are completely oblivious to the shit that comes out of their mouth, as well as how they act and behave. If you’ve said or done something stupid and I have kept my mouth shut thus far, trust me when I say that I’m being merciful.
Yesterday morning I discovered a black & white kitten in my back yard. I was on my way upstairs and out of the corner of my eye was a kitten in typical cat like predatorial position, seemingly staring at something near the storage shed. I opened the door and called out to her, but she refused to leave her post. After about an hour or so, she slowly started to move around the yard, still watching something that I couldn’t see or hear, and I decided to put some food out for her and see if she’d bite.
She had no collar or visible tags and she kept looking right at me, so I know she’s not afraid of me (and yes, I know she’s actually a she because male cats have a totally different look to them facially and physically.). I’ve seen her in passing for a few months roaming around 4-5 houses close to mine, darting across the street in the early evening hours, but I have no idea if she’s microchipped and belongs to someone, if she’s been abandoned, or if she’s a stray. It’s possible she belongs to someone and is an outdoor cat, but to not have a collar or tags is usually a good indicator that the owner doesn’t really give a shit about their animal, and it pisses me off big time when people do that.
I suspect she’s been sleeping in my yard at night for quite some time because I’ve been hearing some major purring underneath my window pretty much every night. If you’re not a cat owner or cat lover, you have no idea what it’s like to have a purring little being lull you to sleep. I miss that SO MUCH after losing my macaroon in January. I felt like I was cheating a bit calling out to this kitten, I actually looked around as if she might hear me, but it comes down to me simply not being able to allow a kitten to hang out in my yard without feeding it and making sure it’s safe and belongs to someone. I’ll see if we develop trust between us because right now, I don’t want to spook her. She was here for several hours and then walked around the yard and left. She’s beautiful, but young. Maybe a year old, if that. Still a baby. I would take her in, in a New York Minute, and I don’t usually say that about an animal older than 10 weeks. Kittens are my personal preference and are such a joy to raise. I am well aware that older cats need homes too, and plenty of people in my area are adopting them, so I am not about to change my preference unless a situation presents itself. I do not compromise who I am to make other people feel better about themselves.
As of right now, I am supposed to attend a kitten/cat adoption event the day of my birthday in a few weeks. Initially I was really looking forward to this, I was so excited at the possibility of coming home with “little people”. It’s in the Main Line (outside of Philly), so it’s still close enough that if I don’t find a kitten or two to take home I can always attend their November event, but I’m honestly just going to wing it. If I wake up that morning and I’m feeling good, then I’ll go. If I wake up and I don’t feel it, then I will wait until next Spring and give myself that much more time to heal because in all honesty, I have a feeling that’s what I really need.
This has been a year that has shown me who I am. It has brought out a deeper strength I did not know I possessed, a fighting spirit that is so much fiercer than she used to be, and a person who sees things and people in a much clearer fashion. I will no longer hold on to things, relationships/friendships, or anything that doesn’t give me a sense of peace and happiness. I will not change to make others feel better, but I will change if I see something within me that needs fixing, for me. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being yourself. I now fully realize that some people don’t know how to take that, and that some people simply want to run and hide from it because they’re really running and hiding from themselves. That’s not my issue. If you ask me to be a part of your life in any way, shape, or form, then I am going to be myself. If you ask me for advice, help, honesty, or to listen, then I will do exactly that. If I extend the hand of friendship, fully consider it before smacking it away as if you’re two years old.
I’m going to spend my weekend writing, reading, resting, and healing. I will squeeze some cleaning, laundry, and cooking into the fray, and I will try to catch the Pirates game tomorrow as well. Beyond that, I really just want to be left alone with my own thoughts. What next week holds is a whole other story, but I already know it’ll be challenging. I will make it through, and so will you.
And The Moon Sees All 
it sounds like the perfect weekend needed to restore your balance and energy.
From your mouth to God/Goddess’ ears. Unfortunately I seem to have come down with a stomach bug. I feel like I’ve just been hit with a truck ten times. That means I’ll be on soup & coconut water until I feel human again. Blech! I am the absolute worst sick person for a woman!! LOL.
Thanks for reading and replying. =)
my pleasure – hope you feel better soon )
“If you ask me to be a part of your life in any way, shape, or form, then I am going to be myself.” –> Yes. This. When I was younger, I used to feel bad when people seemed to want me as a friend, only to be disappointed by who I really was. Now, I always have a philosophy of ‘this is me, take it or leave it.’ It’s been a learning process and I still sometimes have a fleeting moment of “why don’t they like me?” when it happens but I know that ultimately I can’t just give up who I am to please other people. Hope you are having a great weekend and that you find the perfect kitten for your home soon!
You’d be surprised how many people dislike that I said that, and that I actually mean it.
I seriously stopped caring what people thought of me somewhere around 13 or 14. I didn’t care if I was liked, disliked, or what people thought. I decided to be me and it’s very freeing to be yourself, speak your mind, and live without the restraints others place upon themselves by worrying and caring about what strangers think of them. What a waste of time.
I refuse to change who I am to please anyone. I like who I am. I’m not afraid of being myself. If it bothers someone enough that they need to bring it up, then I’m more than happy to show them the door.
I’ve been sick all weekend, so I’m hoping to just feel more human soon. I seem to have caught some kind of stomach bug, plus my pain levels are off the charts. =(
I don’t think I’m going to the adoption event. I honestly think I need more time to grieve. It’s hard to look at kittens right now knowing that none of them will be her. I’ll go when it feels right and I’ll go to a place that feels like the right choice, but right now I’m too bogged down with other things and I don’t know that I have the time to devote to them like I need to. I just need to get through these next few months and then plan a vacation or something big because I’ve been through absolute hell this past year and I can’t take it any more. I need a true break.
Hope you’re enjoying your weekend. I’ll talk to you soon. *Hugs*