Caturday Came A Day Early…

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Yesterday was my “day off” after a pretty tumultuous week. My pain levels are driving me up the wall, and a few people in my life are choosing now, of all times, to be idiotic, pathetic, childish morons. Do you all wait for me to have PMS and be raring to go after you with a hockey stick or are you really just that stupid?! For the record, I could be talking about a plethora of people, so please, don’t flatter yourself into thinking I’m talking about you unless you actually know you’re a moron and have been behaving in a childish, pathetic manner.

It has been my experience that morons are completely oblivious to the shit that comes out of their mouth, as well as how they act and behave. If you’ve said or done something stupid and I have kept my mouth shut thus far, trust me when I say that I’m being merciful.

Yesterday morning I discovered a black & white kitten in my back yard. I was on my way upstairs and out of the corner of my eye was a kitten in typical cat like predatorial position, seemingly staring at something near the storage shed. I opened the door and called out to her, but she refused to leave her post. After about an hour or so, she slowly started to move around the yard, still watching something that I couldn’t see or hear, and I decided to put some food out for her and see if she’d bite.

She had no collar or visible tags and she kept looking right at me, so I know she’s not afraid of me (and yes, I know she’s actually a she because male cats have a totally different look to them facially and physically.). I’ve seen her in passing for a few months roaming around 4-5 houses close to mine, darting across the street in the early evening hours, but I have no idea if she’s microchipped and belongs to someone, if she’s been abandoned, or if she’s a stray. It’s possible she belongs to someone and is an outdoor cat, but to not have a collar or tags is usually a good indicator that the owner doesn’t really give a shit about their animal, and it pisses me off big time when people do that.

I suspect she’s been sleeping in my yard at night for quite some time because I’ve been hearing some major purring underneath my window pretty much every night. If you’re not a cat owner or cat lover, you have no idea what it’s like to have a purring little being lull you to sleep. I miss that SO MUCH after losing my macaroon in January. I felt like I was cheating a bit calling out to this kitten, I actually looked around as if she might hear me, but it comes down to me simply not being able to allow a kitten to hang out in my yard without feeding it and making sure it’s safe and belongs to someone. I’ll see if we develop trust between us because right now, I don’t want to spook her. She was here for several hours and then walked around the yard and left. She’s beautiful, but young. Maybe a year old, if that. Still a baby. I would take her in, in a New York Minute, and I don’t usually say that about an animal older than 10 weeks. Kittens are my personal preference and are such a joy to raise. I am well aware that older cats need homes too, and plenty of people in my area are adopting them, so I am not about to change my preference unless a situation presents itself. I do not compromise who I am to make other people feel better about themselves.

As of right now, I am supposed to attend a kitten/cat adoption event the day of my birthday in a few weeks. Initially I was really looking forward to this, I was so excited at the possibility of coming home with “little people”. It’s in the Main Line (outside of Philly), so it’s still close enough that if I don’t find a kitten or two to take home I can always attend their November event, but I’m honestly just going to wing it. If I wake up that morning and I’m feeling good, then I’ll go. If I wake up and I don’t feel it, then I will wait until next Spring and give myself that much more time to heal because in all honesty, I have a feeling that’s what I really need.

This has been a year that has shown me who I am. It has brought out a deeper strength I did not know I possessed, a fighting spirit that is so much fiercer than she used to be, and a person who sees things and people in a much clearer fashion. I will no longer hold on to things, relationships/friendships, or anything that doesn’t give me a sense of peace and happiness. I will not change to make others feel better, but I will change if I see something within me that needs fixing, for me. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being yourself. I now fully realize that some people don’t know how to take that, and that some people simply want to run and hide from it because they’re really running and hiding from themselves. That’s not my issue. If you ask me to be a part of your life in any way, shape, or form, then I am going to be myself. If you ask me for advice, help, honesty, or to listen, then I will do exactly that. If I extend the hand of friendship, fully consider it before smacking it away as if you’re two years old.

I’m going to spend my weekend writing, reading, resting, and healing. I will squeeze some cleaning, laundry, and cooking into the fray, and I will try to catch the Pirates game tomorrow as well. Beyond that, I really just want to be left alone with my own thoughts. What next week holds is a whole other story, but I already know it’ll be challenging. I will make it through, and so will you.

What Does It Take?!

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I’m upset, very much so. Now I have a LOT to be upset about, I’m going through a really horrible time in my life right now. I keep a lot of things private for obvious reasons, as I am sure most of us do, but the thing I am upset about in the moment is that I lost out on kitten #2 a few nights ago. If you’ve been reading this blog for longer than two minutes, you know that I lost my baby girl in January (They say time heals all wounds. Whoever “they” are, I’m going to take a bat or a hockey stick to them the next time “they” come around.) and that I have slowly been trying to adopt again. A shelter adopted out a Bombay kitten I thought would be mine without even telling me, so I am pretty much sick of dealing with these places since they’ll take your money and then say “Whoops!” when they adopt out the kitten/cat you’ve applied for. At least let a person know that the animal is being adopted, that way they don’t get their hopes up, prepare for their arrival, etc. I called a place the other day and they assured me that once I pay, those kittens are MINE. However, I don’t look forward to this specific trek because I’ve never been there before and I don’t want to be told the kittens are available and after three hours, find out they’ve already been adopted, so I’m taking a pass after this most recent heartbreaking episode.

My sanity pretty much depends on kittens at this point. It might seem ridiculous, but if you’ve had animals your entire life, or for an immense chunk of your life, and suddenly the only person you have to talk to each day is yourself, you can understand why I feel borderline insane at the moment.

I’d finally found a kitten (pictured above. Have you seen anything this gorgeous?! I’m blown away by how beautiful she is.) that I 100% connected with on Craigslist. So gorgeous and unique, I had that sudden surge of “Woo hoo! I FOUND HER!!”, which I have not had once in my entire search. I’ve been lukewarm or “I’ll grow to love her.” in my choices thus far. No one is going to replace my baby, that’s like trying to replace your child, it doesn’t happen. I contacted the owner/foster parent to meet with her and a few hours later she e-mails me back to say she’s being adopted, but that if the people adopting her don’t want her, she’ll let me know. Later in the evening the ad was deleted, so clearly she was taken. I actually sat and cried, which I don’t usually do over much. Maybe it was frustration, maybe it was a feeling I simply had, I don’t know.

I’m sick of all this. I can’t tell you how many phone calls I made the other afternoon (and how many I’ve been making since March/April) inquiring about kittens within a 100 mile radius. I shouldn’t so much as look at them because each time I inquire about one, there is something wrong with the animal health wise (they don’t want you to know that until after you’ve paid them, but I demand the medical records for a reason. Naturally I expect normal vet bills with any animal, but I’d also like to be able to do that from the confines of a roof over my head, and I am sure many people can relate and/or agree with me on this. We want our animals to be happy and healthy.) or they’re halfway out the door. I get it, I really do, but if every shelter is “full to capacity with kittens”, shouldn’t there be more kittens, not less, for a person like me to adopt?

The places I refuse to do business with are the ones that literally want to move in with you for a day or two to find out what kind of “parent” you will be (I’m exaggerating, but you get the general idea). I get annoyed when anyone wants to invade my personal space. I do NOT play well with others, unless they’re small and fluffy. Get a reference from my vet, from close friends, but in a house with no other pets and only a visiting child under the age of three, I think we’re good here, ya know? I was told Craigslist was a great way to adopt an animal (or several) that has already been de-wormed, with all their shots, that would already be spayed, etc., but thus far I’ve mostly found shelters pushing animals I don’t want at me. If I wanted a dog, I would have one. I don’t, ’cause I’m basically a cat myself and want to be around my own kind.

The last time I went more than a few years without a cat, I just about lost my mind. So, if you’re any kind of animal person and understand where I’m coming from, wish me luck on my search.  My next adoption option is in the Main Line (Maybe I’ll run into the Pretty Little Liars…). It’s close enough that if I don’t find a special little someone to bring home, I can go back until I do. This place is helping out several shelters that are overcrowded and they’ve already adopted out close to 1500 cats and kittens. $25 to adopt a kitten that already has everything it needs (and has already been spayed/neutered), but a microchip is a steal and cats over 6 months old are $1. I will be posting an ad for this event because I think if anyone wants to check it out, it’s worthwhile. Lord knows I am not the only cat person in the state of Pennsylvania, but I still get the distinct impression I will have to go back to my roots and adopt at North Shore Animal League. Either way, I am looking forward to bringing home some light into the darkness that is my life.