“Friendship is neither a formality nor a mode, it is rather a life.” -Unknown
This is absolutely the first and last time I will address this ridiculous issue that came to my attention the other day.
I have slowly withdrawn from this particular blog for a reason. It’s not just the fact that I’m working my tail off and have moved on to very important things involving my writing, because no matter how busy I am, I still have time to post. Part of the reason had to do with some disgusting, childish, utterly pathetic drama. I am very sorry that I was ever pulled in to it, but I am OUT.
Several people involved me in something I had absolutely nothing to do with, and apparently some of them seem utterly incapable of growing the hell up and moving on. One very clearly has, to some extent, others are minding their own business, and another is still living in a very delusional world of which I want no part.
Unlike some people, I expect adults to behave with some semblance of maturity. Name-calling is ugly. If a person is going to profess to have respect for an entire gender, then they should never be caught calling women names on their own blog, or on someone else’s. If I am going to say something about someone, it’s probably because I have absolutely no qualms saying it to their face. That’s the difference. I won’t do it behind your back. I have the balls to simply say it. I care very little for what others think. Moreover, I keep it between that person and myself, like a NORMAL PERSON.
If you have to blog that I am a “false friend” or a “bitch”, when you barely know me, then you might want to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Cowards pull crap like that, and I have no respect for that kind of shit. Nor will I tolerate it. I am many things, false isn’t one of them. I do not profess to be anything other than myself. I don’t need forty words after my name to show the world I am “important”. I live in reality, not in a world of my own creation, and I don’t go around to other people’s blogs harassing them or calling them names simply because our opinions differ. It is everyone’s right to feel as they feel, it does not mean I have to agree, and I certainly don’t have to get nasty about it.
Just because someone has a blog you comment on does not make them your friend in real life. How many of the people that you communicate with on your blog are people you’d be happy to meet? How many of them would you be happy to have coffee/tea or a beer/glass of wine with? How many of them could you see yourself meeting for lunch or dinner if they happened to pass through town or personally come to visit you? For me, I know the answer and it’s under 10 people.
Just because someone IS your friend, doesn’t mean they won’t lie and betray you, in any context. That’s simple fact. That is life. I know this because I’ve had real friends betray me, and I’ve had many false friends both on and off this blog say and do heinous shit, for absolutely no reason whatsoever. That’s THEIR issue though, not MINE.
If I am your friend, I’m sure we’ve talked off the blogosphere in some capacity. If we’re close, you have my phone number and can call me if you need me, and if we’re really close, you probably have my address. If you’ve taken my friendship and betrayed it, you’re basically dead to me, because I don’t allow shit like that to fly. I don’t play games. I don’t know what sickness some of you are suffering from, but I strongly suggest mental help that WORKS. Increase your meds, talk to your spouse, talk to your kids, and get the hell off of this sort of platform because your brand of crazy is disgusting. It’s so ridiculous, it could be a psychotic soap opera!
The next time this blog or anything about me is said somewhere else, in any capacity, especially without my express approval and written consent, I will start naming names. I am a copyrighted writer and there are registered trademarks attached to my name. Slander breeds lawsuits. If you have something to say to or about me, say it to my face. Don’t be a punk ass bitch about it.
Grow the fuck up, or get the fuck out of my way!
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Special thanks to Laurell K. Hamilton for the mug inspiration. 🙂
Truly good friends are hard to find. Honest, decent, caring friends are even harder to find. I am BLESSED to have 10 that I would KILL FOR, if need be. Special thanks to a few in particular this week who have been so kind, caring, supportive, and just plain AWESOME.
When you begin a new project, it takes you on a journey. Those that have supported me over the past month on this new journey mean the world to me. You all know who you are because you’ve all received personal messages from me over the last 10 days or so.
Hugs all around.
Friendship -vs- “Friendship”: Sincerity or Malice?
If there’s anything I truly hate in this world, it’s people not knowing how to be decent friends. It takes two, truly. Both people have to be committed to the same cause, which is the core of the friendship and what it is built upon. Unfortunately, you will often find that the other person generally doesn’t know your intentions and you may not figure out theirs until it’s too late.
Throughout the course of my life I have had both friends and “friends”, and it’s fair to say that we all have. The latter are the bottom feeders in this world who only come to you with falseness in their hearts. They pretend to be genuine, but they’re either intimidated by you, scared of your strength, jealous of you, or never have good intentions towards anyone. Sometimes it’s a mass combination of all of the above, and so much more. They are the types of people that are 1000 shades of fucked up and, no matter how sweet, kind, entertaining, genuine, or funny they appear to be, they are hiding behind a facade and not only lying to you, but lying to themselves. They will seem selfless, but they’re selfish, self-possessed, and have cruelty and hatred residing within their souls, and they choose to take it out on people that do not deserve it, as opposed to directing it at those that do.
I can only use myself as an example here. I give a LOT to the relationships in my life. I don’t know any other way to be. Need advice? I’m your girl. Need help hiding a body? What body? No one will ever find it. I have helped friends whenever they have needed help, regardless of what that help entailed. I feel that is the right thing to do. I do not like seeing my friends struggle and suffer if I am in a position to do something about it. I will talk to you for hours about anything and nothing, and I will truly listen to you. I’m not on the other end of the phone rolling my eyes or making faces, I am fully engaged. I am loyal and I am devoted. In short, I know my worth and value in all things, but especially as a friend. It is one of the things in life I am most certain of.
A lot of missteps in friendship are based on poor communication. If you choose not to say something to someone when, and if, it bothers you, that is YOUR fault, not THEIRS. Take ownership of your short-comings. I have my own faults here too. Sometimes it will take me a few days, weeks, or months to call somebody out on something I feel was inappropriate, wrong, and/or offensive. I don’t allow disrespect. However, even if it takes me some time, I will still do it. I do not avoid confrontation, and I always feel better once I’ve clarified with someone what is, or isn’t, going on and how to come back to a good place. It doesn’t happen with every single friendship, sometimes a friendship has run its course, reached an end and that, too, is ok, but the effort still needs to be made.
If ever you want to end a friendship, as in all relationships, it is crucial to tell the other person. For one, it shows good manners and two, it brings closure to the relationship. It doesn’t matter if you were friends for three months, six months, a year, or if you’ve been friends for 30 years, have some fucking decency in your dealings with others, lest you gain a reputation for the way you handle your personal relationships. Especially with other women. I can assure you that women talk. If you’ve been a bitch to a woman and later become friends with someone she knows really well, she won’t hesitate to tell that friend exactly what your deal is. I’ve had more than one or two of my close friends warn me about other women, and they were always right. Thankfully, I wasn’t fully invested into the new people, so it wasn’t a big deal or the end of the world.
I always encourage people to communicate with me. If you don’t like something I’ve said, come to me and Spit.It.Out. Just be honest. You’re not sure what I meant by something? FUCKING ASK. Things like that frustrate me. I don’t like wasting my time with anyone, nor do I like it when people attach my name to bullshit stories that are fictional beyond words, and delusional by half.
If you have an issue with me, say it to my face. Be direct. Don’t run and hide like a toddler, and don’t tell lies. I may not be perfect, I’m certainly not winning any awards for warmth, fuzziness, or coddling, but at least I know what respect, loyalty, and real friendship is all about. Once I lose respect for you, you do not exist. If you close the door, I will put Wolverine’s adamantium claws on my end of the door so that if you ever try re-opening it, you get to hang on your own sword, and your own mistakes. That’s how it works. If you want to be someone’s friend, have honor and dignity. Unless you’re incredibly self-absorbed and shallow. I assure you, NO ONE wants a false friend.
Choosing to be a part of someone’s life as their friend is something so many take for granted. Extending the hand of friendship, to me, is a big deal. If you bite that hand, be prepared for what comes next. People often underestimate my nice factor, which I can tell you from experience, is limited. Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you want love and acceptance, be loving and accepting. If you want or need a certain thing in a friendship, as in any relationship, it is perfectly ok to ask for it. If you’re going through a rough time and you feel like you need a little extra emotional support, say so. Don’t expect everyone to be a mind reader, because the simple fact of the matter is, there’s no such thing as mind readers.
If friends or family treat you like shit and you always allow them to return to your life, you are allowing the behavior and accepting it. In fact, you’re encouraging the cycle to continue. Over time, you lose sight of what it’s like to be treated the right way. In the grand scheme, your acceptance of such negativity allows the chains to wrap around you. This extends to all relationships in ones’ life. Allowing bad behavior, accepting it, and never saying anything in response is encouraging it. If I, as your friend, have encouraged you to put your foot down and you ignore me, I lack sympathy when it continues to happen to you. Not because I’m a cruel person, but because you have been repeatedly given sound advice. I do not mince words and I do not suffer fools gladly. I mean what I say, unless I’m pissed, in which case I will probably say nothing until I cool off. If I am wrong and I know I am wrong, I will always apologize.
This was not written for any particular reason, so do not presume it is directed at you, the reader, in any way, shape, or form, except maybe in an advisory capacity. I’ve had this on my mind for a while and felt it cathartic to put it into action.
We have three different types of friends throughout the course of our lives, and in some instances, for many, many lives, until we learn our lessons and get it right. The different types of friends are “those for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”. If you’re going to be the type of friend to me that I am to you, then you’re ride or die, and you are in my life for a reason and a lifetime. I will always be loyal and devoted to you. However, if you’re only sticking around long enough to use me, please, fuck off now, and take your insane monkeys with you.
If one person is a flake, don’t take it personally. If one person is over-sensitive and cannot handle the truth, then that person needs to work on themselves and letting them fly is the best thing to do when they refuse to listen. Not every friendship is forever, but maybe that’s because the ones that are, are so much more valuable, and are built on a solid foundation, as opposed to being built on one person’s immediate interests.
In closing, I am incredibly GRATEFUL for the lovely, talented, graceful, elegant, mature, beautiful on the inside and outside, kind, generous, hilarious, devoted, loyal friends in my life. I can count them on two hands, but quality is far superior to quantity. Some have been a part of my life for a short period of time, but are no less special to me. Many have been with me for 18-25 years and, despite our imperfections and character flaws, despite agreeing to disagree, we love each other, we care about each other so very much, and we’d do anything for each other. A friend recently told me that I have been there for her through EVERYTHING, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and she thanks God for me. Another told me how people are always using her, but that I am the bright spot in her life. In friendship, things should be positive. If they aren’t, detox yourself from the poison. You’ll find a lot of clarity there.
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
“True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice.” -Samuel Johnson