Posted onOctober 24, 2014
Posted underBack Pain, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Images/Photos/Quotes, Invisible Illness, Pain, Pain Disorders
CommentsLeave a comment
Make Your Own Microwave Heating Pad
Since a lot of us use heat for varying degrees of pain, I thought this was pretty awesome. Normally I spend a fortune buying these at craft shows. Now I will be able to make my own. Yay! 🙂
My pain has hit an all-time high. I can’t sleep, I’m struggling like a motherfucker right now to just “be”. It’s a struggle and a half, and I’ve had enough. I’m really, truly, sick and tired of this illness. In times like this, it’s harder and harder to be strong and be myself.
FDA Restricts Hydrocodones
This just plain pisses me off. I’ve never gotten a bottle of any schedule II medicine with a refill on it. I know not a single doctor that will call it in to the pharmacy for you. You either pick up the script from the doctor’s office as a monthly refill (I had a doctor that wouldn’t even mail it across town to me, because he’d had patients “lose” the scripts too many times or tell him they never received it in the mail. I didn’t feel I should have been treated that way because of other patients, but I let it slide since he took my pain seriously.), or they demand to see you every single month. I don’t have that kind of time. I don’t take Vicodin because it doesn’t work for me, but I know a lot of people that rely on this drug during the worst of their Fibro pain, or other forms of Chronic pain. This is completely unfair to them and even worse, it adds to the stigma that pain patients are drug addicts when generally, that is NOT the case. I’ve been treated like this in the emergency room over a migraine (I did not ask for anything for pain, and yet the nurses were whispering that I “seemed like I was angling for something”. All I asked was for them to call my doctor and have him treat me since he was on staff there, nothing else. He was furious when I told him how they treated me and actually said that they should have given me a shot of morphine and sent me home, especially since I had a history and was a patient being treated year-round for migraines.), and it enraged me, so I only see more irritation in the future if a doctor messes with my medication again.
What Fibromyalgia Feels Like
A lot of people are living with Fibromyalgia and are undiagnosed or not being treated for it. Men are much less apt to be diagnosed with it because it is considered a “woman’s illness”, but that’s total bullshit because I know more than 6 men that clearly have it.
I have never been formally treated for Fibromyalgia, and I’ve had it for more than 10 years. Initially all my doctors blew my symptoms off. They had an excuse for every single symptom I had, and chose to treat separate things. I’d be treated for the migraines, but not treated for everything else I was experiencing. At the start of it all, I had a crick in the left side of my neck for about 6-8 months that was so painful I wanted to die. An MRI showed an actual injury, I did not have a pinched nerve, so I was handed several different prescription pain medications and a prescription for muscle relaxers and informed that I would “have this for the rest of my life”. When Cymbalta was approved by the FDA and released in 2004, I demanded my doctor put me on it immediately. All of my local pharmacies didn’t even have it, they were literally calling other stores in other states to try to get it for me, but it took them months to get it in stock. My doctor went to a dinner for the drug, something he doesn’t usually do because he doesn’t have the time, and brought me back a ton of samples. For several years, Cymbalta made me feel almost normal again, until it stopped working. I tried Lyrica about five years ago and the first dose or two put me on the floor, I couldn’t even move on that stuff. I have not tried the newer drugs, but I do want to find a way to manage the pain better. I don’t know if there will ever be a cure for Fibromyalgia, but I certainly hope that the next generation gets to see one because life is way too long to suffer like this your entire life.
Photo Credits: Shaun & Dawn
Yesterday was my “day off” after a pretty tumultuous week. My pain levels are driving me up the wall, and a few people in my life are choosing now, of all times, to be idiotic, pathetic, childish morons. Do you all wait for me to have PMS and be raring to go after you with a hockey stick or are you really just that stupid?! For the record, I could be talking about a plethora of people, so please, don’t flatter yourself into thinking I’m talking about you unless you actually know you’re a moron and have been behaving in a childish, pathetic manner.
It has been my experience that morons are completely oblivious to the shit that comes out of their mouth, as well as how they act and behave. If you’ve said or done something stupid and I have kept my mouth shut thus far, trust me when I say that I’m being merciful.
Yesterday morning I discovered a black & white kitten in my back yard. I was on my way upstairs and out of the corner of my eye was a kitten in typical cat like predatorial position, seemingly staring at something near the storage shed. I opened the door and called out to her, but she refused to leave her post. After about an hour or so, she slowly started to move around the yard, still watching something that I couldn’t see or hear, and I decided to put some food out for her and see if she’d bite.
She had no collar or visible tags and she kept looking right at me, so I know she’s not afraid of me (and yes, I know she’s actually a she because male cats have a totally different look to them facially and physically.). I’ve seen her in passing for a few months roaming around 4-5 houses close to mine, darting across the street in the early evening hours, but I have no idea if she’s microchipped and belongs to someone, if she’s been abandoned, or if she’s a stray. It’s possible she belongs to someone and is an outdoor cat, but to not have a collar or tags is usually a good indicator that the owner doesn’t really give a shit about their animal, and it pisses me off big time when people do that.
I suspect she’s been sleeping in my yard at night for quite some time because I’ve been hearing some major purring underneath my window pretty much every night. If you’re not a cat owner or cat lover, you have no idea what it’s like to have a purring little being lull you to sleep. I miss that SO MUCH after losing my macaroon in January. I felt like I was cheating a bit calling out to this kitten, I actually looked around as if she might hear me, but it comes down to me simply not being able to allow a kitten to hang out in my yard without feeding it and making sure it’s safe and belongs to someone. I’ll see if we develop trust between us because right now, I don’t want to spook her. She was here for several hours and then walked around the yard and left. She’s beautiful, but young. Maybe a year old, if that. Still a baby. I would take her in, in a New York Minute, and I don’t usually say that about an animal older than 10 weeks. Kittens are my personal preference and are such a joy to raise. I am well aware that older cats need homes too, and plenty of people in my area are adopting them, so I am not about to change my preference unless a situation presents itself. I do not compromise who I am to make other people feel better about themselves.
As of right now, I am supposed to attend a kitten/cat adoption event the day of my birthday in a few weeks. Initially I was really looking forward to this, I was so excited at the possibility of coming home with “little people”. It’s in the Main Line (outside of Philly), so it’s still close enough that if I don’t find a kitten or two to take home I can always attend their November event, but I’m honestly just going to wing it. If I wake up that morning and I’m feeling good, then I’ll go. If I wake up and I don’t feel it, then I will wait until next Spring and give myself that much more time to heal because in all honesty, I have a feeling that’s what I really need.
This has been a year that has shown me who I am. It has brought out a deeper strength I did not know I possessed, a fighting spirit that is so much fiercer than she used to be, and a person who sees things and people in a much clearer fashion. I will no longer hold on to things, relationships/friendships, or anything that doesn’t give me a sense of peace and happiness. I will not change to make others feel better, but I will change if I see something within me that needs fixing, for me. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being yourself. I now fully realize that some people don’t know how to take that, and that some people simply want to run and hide from it because they’re really running and hiding from themselves. That’s not my issue. If you ask me to be a part of your life in any way, shape, or form, then I am going to be myself. If you ask me for advice, help, honesty, or to listen, then I will do exactly that. If I extend the hand of friendship, fully consider it before smacking it away as if you’re two years old.
I’m going to spend my weekend writing, reading, resting, and healing. I will squeeze some cleaning, laundry, and cooking into the fray, and I will try to catch the Pirates game tomorrow as well. Beyond that, I really just want to be left alone with my own thoughts. What next week holds is a whole other story, but I already know it’ll be challenging. I will make it through, and so will you.
Our Worst Pain…
“Our worst pain is confined within our own skin.” ―Charles Frazier
Such an appropriate quote for all of us that suffer from Fibromyalgia and any form of Chronic Pain. I’m literally a step away from climbing the walls, that’s how intense my pain levels are today. Climbing up the stairs is like walking through the Gates of Hell, which seem like a vacation spot in comparison right now. Things are seriously out of control when I resort to calling my doctor.
I don’t think there’s a single symptom I’d define as “pleasant”. Constantly being in pain and suffering through your days is an unacceptable way of life. We need better pain management and medications available to us, especially those without horrendous side effects.
I know I’ve been pretty silent these last few weeks. For one, I haven’t had a whole lot to say. I’m very in my own head right now. Sometime Thursday night into Friday morning, I did something to my neck and aggravated my neck and shoulders. I thought icing it up and getting some rest would help, I went out of my way Friday and today to avoid excessive stress, but it has progressively gotten worse, so I am strongly considering another ER visit, this time to a different hospital, because I’m afraid that partial paralysis is setting in from the neck up. The hospital I went to previously doesn’t have the necessary equipment (an ER with no MRI machine?! REALLY?! I’ve NEVER heard of that before, not ever.), which is extremely odd to me, but hey, that’s probably why I never have to spend time in their waiting room for more than three minutes! I can turn my body if you’re talking to me, but I can’t turn my neck because of the excruciating pain and the simple fact that it jerks itself back with a giant NO. The pain medicine isn’t working, and I don’t want to risk taking something that could make me sick again, so if this is still the same, off I go. At the very least, maybe they’ll be able to tell me what’s wrong since no one else has had any answers for me in the past three years. Plus, a prescription for muscle relaxers right now would seriously be my saving grace. You know things are bad when muscle relaxers are really the only thing that help you heal. I have an allergy, so I can’t take anti-inflammatory meds, and like I said, my neck is not responding to the pain meds. I don’t want this to get worse, obviously, but I think a stupid part of me is expecting it to heal a little on its own with lower stress and rest. The truth is, I’m tired of going through this shit all alone. It’s hard to psych yourself up for medical help when you have no idea what the end result will be, and how you’ll be able to handle it afterward.
In the meantime, I’m going to apply some arnica and try going to bed. I could do worse.