I Am Self-Propelled…

I Am Self-Propelled…

“I am self-propelled; fueled from within. I appreciate people’s opinions, but I’m not attached to them. I learned a long time ago that if I give them the power to feed me, I also give them the power to starve me.” -Steve Maraboli

Dear Humans…

SAM_0069

Dear Humans…

Hello WordPress peeps. Thank you for welcoming me into my Mommy’s life. 🙂 She has told me all about many of you, and she also told me I have many fans requesting photos of me as I continue to grow, and that I need to own up to my modeling contract. I don’t know what that means because I am still a baby and I just want to eat, play, sleep, bite people’s toes, and play some more.

I was surrendered to an animal shelter in the late summer months when I was born. I do not know why. Mommy says it makes her angry, but that she is glad “the idiots” at least had the foresight to bring me someplace safe where I could get proper medical care and the chance of a good home. Mommy has no patience for morons. I’ve heard her tell people off on the phone. I like to be underfoot when she’s on the phone, you just never know what you’ll hear! Mommy has one voice for me, all soft and sweet, and another voice for everyone else. Unless you’re a kitten or a baby, I recommend playing dumb, but you should also know that Mommy will see right through that.

I was put into foster care with my siblings almost as soon as I opened my eyes, which means I was taken away from my biological Mommy way too soon. Kittens need to be weaned, not thrown into shelters!

I shared a foster home with three “big cats”, a huge pitbull, and there were always lots of kittens younger, my age, or older to play with. I did very well with everyone, as I am very well socialized. I was there the longest of all my foster mother’s foster kittens because she loved me best. 🙂 She also wanted to make sure I got the very best home possible. She was strongly considering keeping me, I think, until she got a phone call inquiring about my availability.

One day “new Mommy” called “foster Mommy”, and in less than a few days, I had a new home. Imagine a tiny kittens’ shock and surprise!

On the day in question, “new Mommy” walked into the house. I was walking on the kitchen counter at the time and immediately greeted her. I like to be perched in places above ground, so that I can look down upon my subjects. She lowered herself slightly to my level so I could smell her. I thought “What kind of cat is THIS? Where is her tail?! Oooh, she has pretty hair. I bet she’ll let me bite it.” She spoke to me and gave me a little head scratch. Her nails are nice and sharp, and took away my kitty cat itches, so I let foster Mommy know that it was ok if I went home with her. I liked her coat and her purse, and even though she told me I couldn’t play with expensive things, she was kind and gentle, and I felt safe.

After a short period of time where the humans conversed and laughed, foster Mommy gave me kisses and told me I was going to have a great life. I was put into a kitty carrier that my new Mommy had thought to put warm blankets in, and away we went.

About an hour and forty-five minutes later (I had to ask Mommy about the timing. It was dark and the GPS got us lost. I know this because the heat was on and Mommy kept saying “Why is such an expensive part of this county SO FUCKING DARK AT NIGHT?! Can’t they afford lights?!”), I was brought into my new home.

Mommy showed me where everything was, from my litter box to my fancy food and water bowls, and my new “cat space”. I ate, I drank, and then Mommy put me into “my bed”. It’s a lot bigger than me, but I quickly learned I am meant to share this bed with Mommy. Who made this decision? Exactly who said this little kitten wants to share? I did not agree to this arrangement, so I bites toes for entertainment value. I can get away with this because I am “just a baby”. I heard Mommy say so.

After a few hours, I decided to settle in for a nap and where better to nap than my new Mommy’s lap while she tap-tap-taps on her computer? Occasionally, even now, I reach up and smack her hands to remind her that I’m here, and that the computer isn’t so exciting or interesting. And that my little ears need to be scratched. She will stop singing, writing, and doing whatever it is she’s doing that makes her laugh, and tell me how great I am, what a good kitty, such a sweet little soul, such a good little friend. She tells me that as I get older, we will be besties, whatever that means. For now, she is my warm cuddle buddy and my best playmate. I secretly believe she is a cat and that I cannot find her tail. I know, because I’ve looked.

I am happy in my new home, though I have already made it clear that I need little playmates, siblings if you will, or I will continue to attack Mommy’s feet, ankles, knees, socks, and anything else I can get my little baby paws on. Mommy is not amused when I climb on top of the vacuum cleaner and just sit there. She actually suggested I do some house work. I smacked my new Uncle’s feet recently, just to keep him in his place. Mommy encouraged me to do this, telling me it would make him feel “loved and important”. Yes, she’s silly, but she’s also very interesting to watch.

What can I tell you about my Mommy that you don’t already know? She loves me, hugs me, cuddles me, gives me kisses, feeds me, plays with me, talks to me, gives me yummy treatsies, tells me what a good girl I am, grooms me, cleans my ears, cleans my face, wipes my eyes so I don’t develop “tear stains”, and tells me NO when I climb things. She tells me “I am responsible for you. I have to make sure you’re safe and healthy.” She cuts my nails when I am asleep, so I don’t get agitated. Isn’t that sweet? Sometimes, but not always, she will spritz me with water to get the NO to stick, especially if I’ve been doing something I already know I shouldn’t be doing, like attacking Mommy’s books. I heard her talking about this the other day and she said it was a “cat behavior” trick.

Mommy has no idea how well trained she is. All I have to do is glance in her general direction and she’ll go and check my food and water bowls. If I want wet food, all I have to do is bump her legs when she’s in the kitchen and she will ask if I am hungry. She tells me I have to meow, but if I chirp at her or squeak, she accepts that. If I want my toys, I sit on the stairs and stare at her and give her “disapproving cat face”, and she immediately knows that I want my feather ball, or one of my other new toys. I bring them back to her and she’ll throw them back and forth for me while I run up and down the stairs. Secretly, I think Mommy really likes this game.

My favorite game, other than my feather ball, is the feather wand. Mommy will try to exhaust me with it, but often has to say “No more today baby girl, Mommy is too sick to play with you right now.” I don’t know what that means, so some days I cuddle into Mommy to let her know I am listening. I cuddle in and I purr, and I am rewarded with love, kisses, chin scratches, belly rubs, and praise.

A little over a month ago I was a kitten without a forever home. Today I am a four month old “little monkey” with a loving Mommy that is very attentive, with menfolk that show me affection (especially Uncle), a warm place to be, always, and full reign of the house. All I want for the new year is friends to play with. I do like being the sole kitty of the house, but I also miss Mommy when she goes away and she says it’s not nice to knock everything off her dresser. Apparently she is very attached to that perfume she wears and doesn’t like seeing “My expensive bottles on the floor, Verity!!” Sometimes I nap, sometimes I climb. Ok, so I climb more than I nap. I’m just a little baby.

Please encourage Mommy to find me two friends. They have to be my size or smaller, they have to like to play a lot, they have to like laying in Mommy’s lap with me watching movies or TV (Just because I am named after a Bond Girl that was only in one scene, that doesn’t mean I want to watch Skyfall. I don’t care how attractive Mommy finds Daniel Craig. What happened to her “No watching married men.” rule?” Of course, I realize this means she’d never be able to watch TV or movies ever again, but I am willing to overlook this if she gets me friends.), and they have to do silly things so that Mommy will laugh her musical laugh, and play with us, instead of saying “Does EVERY MORNING have to start with blood shed?” Even though Mommy clipped my nails, I really think someone ought to clip hers. I am pretty sure her fangs are bigger than mine too.

These are my tiny kitten observations. I hope you’ve enjoyed my story. And please, for the love of all that is holy, DON’T SHOP, ADOPT.

SAM_0070

Yes, I am REALLY this cute.

734465_626124170767854_425137414_n 

29 Social Media Fails

29 Social Media Fails

http://www.refinery29.com/2013/08/51101/social-media-sites?utm_source=email&utm_medium=editorial&utm_content=everywhere&utm_campaign=130808-social-media-fails

I agree with most of these, though I rarely find anyone clever or witty in 140 characters or less. More like idiotic, ridiculous, drunk, with way too much free time, but hey, that’s just my personal opinion which, as a writer, I will continue to have both personally and professionally. I’m smart enough to say most things in private.

Spring In The Yard

Spring Is In Pre-Bloom

Yesterday morning, as I was coming down the stairs, I noticed a lump under the grass in the backyard. My first thought was “Did that get pulled out of the ground during the last wind storm?” My second thought was “It’s March, it’s probably a bunny.” Yup, a little Mama moved into my yard and made herself a nest. This was an assurance because as I was thinking it, she moved, and that let me know she was there for a reason. When I went upstairs last night she was roaming the yard for food, and I haven’t seen her since, but I know she’s preparing to give birth, thus the nesting.

I thought about how most animals are single parents right after conception, pretty much, and I am totally cool with her hanging out and giving birth here. I knew it was something that might happen eventually, as last year around this time (especially with warmer temperatures and very little snow), the bunnies were out very early and for a few months I’d have between 6-8 in my yard at a time. Sometimes they’d be cuddled up together in little packs at night, but for the most part it was usually “the single gals”. You knew if a male came into the yard, because the girls would take off like a bat out of hell. “Closed for business jackass!” should have been a sign in my yard last Spring between the bunnies and the cats, seriously.

I really don’t use the yard, probably because I’m a city girl at heart, and the largest amount of grass in New York City is Central Park. I’m not from Manhattan, but I’m not from upstate New York either, so “The City” is “The City” if you’re from any of the Five Boroughs, which I am.

For some people, living in the suburbs (especially if you have children) is the ultimate goal/dream. Yards, wide open spaces, and for some people it gives them a feeling of security that nothing bad will happen to them or their family, since they are now far away enough from the metropolitan area, which to most people means “more crime”. For me, it was the right decision at the right time, it’s generally a pretty quiet neighborhood, and if I remain here once I get married and start a family (or once I become a mother, seeing as how I believe we have the right to decide what is right for us. If you can swing being a single parent, and you desperately want children, then you have the right to do it, so long as you aren’t harming anyone.), there’s a highly rated school district for my children to go to, which would make sense since I pay an outrageous amount in taxes to the school district any way.

But as a transplant, my lawn is what it is. It’s open space. I don’t have that OCD suburban need to mow it twice a week. I can’t garden to save my life, though if someone showed me how to do it right and how to get it to actually thrive, I would love a nice vegetable and herb garden. I think that’s fabulous if you’re able to maintain it and live off your own growth process, so to speak. Alas, I can’t keep bamboo alive after a few years, so I’m really not sure if a garden would be my thing for the long haul. It’s a great, calming hobby if you have a gift with plants and flowers and like being outside in the sun, but maybe it’s too outdoorsy for me. I have no idea, other than the fact that it would require a lot more sunscreen than I already wear.

So for now, since we’re in “Spring Forward” mode (Which is totally screwing with me!), I am totally cool with the bunnies doing their thing and keeping the circle of life going, even if it is in my yard. They can have it, but if they stay for more than a few months I’m going to have to ask them to start making monthly contributions to my mortgage.