Posted byMiss Poison
Posted onOctober 26, 2014
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Here’s A Really Good Reason Not To Post Nude Photos Of Yourself Or Send Them To Anyone
Thank you to Katie MacAlister for bringing this to my attention
Author’s Note: I was not going to finish this up until a month or so ago when additional news made it’s way to my ears. It pissed me off beyond words, and this is the result. If you’re generally offended by me, I strongly suggest leaving the page right now. For everyone else, please proceed.
Hiding Behind A Computer…Wordpress Harassment & What I Plan On Doing About It
Several months ago a former friend accused me, a Jewish woman, of being a part of Kashrut slaughter of animals “in the streets”. For the uninformed, Jews do not slaughter animals in the streets. In fact, we’re incredibly civilized in regard to animal slaughter on a whole. We have laws we follow to the letter, providing we aren’t vegetarians or vegans, and as I have established in several other blog posts, I will never be a vegetarian or a vegan. I’m all about healthy balance. I love animals, yes, but I am not an extremist. I don’t have to make changes I don’t believe in, in order to make other people feel better about themselves.
Kosher slaughter entails very specific things. My Rabbi and my brother actually know a lot more about it than I do, and I do not want to nauseate anyone with the gory details. Suffice it to say, YES, I do believe it is more humane. NO, Jews do not “torture animals because we believe it makes meat taste better”. There may be in-fighting, disrespect, and discord amongst our own religious sects (I have most of them in my family, and there is definitive in-fighting. Try being told you’re “not Jewish enough” a few times, then tell me we’re all good to one another.), but our religion is not one for viciousness and evil, nor animal cruelty. For the record, she claimed Muslims do it too. I informed her how very wrong she is, and explained the laws both religions adhere to. Alas, truth often falls on deaf ears. However, since this former friend accused me and all Jews of “slaughtering animals in the street” (Thanks B, you’re a peach!), I decided I’m going to slaughter a pig today. Rabbi Stern, I love you, I respect you, it’s after sundown in Israel, and I’m wearing heavy duty metaphorical gloves.
I’m not sure when it happened, but it has been a slow progression for quite some time as the Internet has continued it’s seemingly never-ending expansion. However, I find this particular situation so distasteful that I have been writing this in my head for a few months. For me, the best work comes with time. I like to have all the facts, and I like to be clear. Gathering the facts was easy, but the why of it all is still a real mystery to me.
During that time period when I first began writing this, people continued to approach me about ONE “man”. Coincidence? I think not. I already had my suspicions, everyone else just helped reinforce it with additional proof that I was right. By the way, I use the term “man” so loosely I hope he can strangle himself with it. I’m happy to provide him with the rope he will need.
Certain types of people are way too comfortable on the Internet. I don’t know why hiding behind a computer gives anyone the right to say things they wouldn’t say to someone’s face. We’re not talking about private thoughts, but things that are completely and utterly inappropriate, as well as out of line, disrespectful, rude… Lord, the list just goes on and on. I don’t give a rat’s ass if you’re drunk or sober: Don’t use anything as an excuse to be an asshole. Unless, of course, you ARE an asshole, and in that case, get the hell off the Internet and crawl into a hole with the rats where you belong, because not everyone here is scum.
Case in point: There is a snake charmer among us here on WordPress, trying to pass himself off as a decent human being. Every time I hear that, I have a hard time keeping a straight face. Who the hell knows what he’s like in his daily life, but on the Internet? He’s got some seriously questionable morals.
It’s not just the things he says and does, but the outrageous lies he tells, and the fact that his actions are vile, not to mention disrespectful, defamatory, outlandish, insane, and, in most parts of North America, would get his self-absorbed, self-important, psychotic ass into a lot of fucking trouble. He deserves to be repeatedly kicked in the nuts by women wearing spiked heels. If he is ever within 200 miles of me, he had better run. He fancies himself a real hard ass. I could not be any more unimpressed than I already am.
We each have our own blogs, which is 100% OUR domain. We can control what we post, what we discuss and share, and what gets said to us, as well as to our readers. Unfortunately, when someone starts blogging about you on their blog, in a completely defamatory manner, and they are hiding behind a “good guy” facade, not to mention an enormous lie, what recourse does a person have? Short of suing them or teaching them an evil lesson, we’re not left with a lot of options. Especially if they go under the guise of not naming names. Proof would be hard at that point, but there are other things that can be done, and should be done to protect bloggers within the community.
The person I am talking about surrounds himself with a harem of sycophants (Trust me, that is me being incredibly polite.), all of whom ply him with sympathy, thus making him feel he is superior to the rest of us. It’s vomit-worthy. He’s so full of shit, I have no idea how oxygen travels through his body. Maybe it doesn’t. It would certainly explain one thing, but it by no means explains it all. A little research clues you in on the fact that, they too, are also full of crap. Maybe not all of them, but most. It’s a scary little world, let me tell ya.
The women he has said inappropriate things to, myself included, is not a small number. In the past few months, many have come to me and brought him up as the perpetrator of one thing or another. If there was something I could do, aside from writing this, I would. This takes me back to my heyday, where I’d simply say “I’ve got a 9mm and a shovel, and no one would miss him.” That woman is deeply imbedded in who I am. In an instant, I return to the person that kicked down doors, kicked anyone’s ass that required a kicking, and always took note of names.
Several of the harassed parties have gone to WordPress and asked them to do something about this person, and they have refused. If that’s how they want to play it, fine. I am doing something about it. I am forming a petition so that no woman has to deal with sexual harassment on a WordPress blog ever again. Men can SAY they’re being “sexually harassed” on this site, but I have found that to be a complete and utter LIE.
If you’re married, don’t engage women in “on-line flings” and then claim you’re the innocent bystander. That is such bullshit, and you know it. Putting a stop to something is as simple as saying “I am happily married and I am not going to speak to you anymore.”, and actually NOT speaking to that person ever again. If you’re a woman engaging in an “on-line fling”, especially if you know the other person is married, take a good, long look at what you’re doing before you pretend to be the innocent party. Sending men nude photos of yourself and engaging in cyber-sex is still sex, especially if you’re cheating on a sleeping spouse or partner. If you’re both single, do what you will, but don’t come crying to other people when your “fling” inevitably ends, or worse, goes public on the Internet. Keep in mind that you don’t KNOW the other person. It’s just words on a computer screen. Discussions are simply discussions, unless it’s emotional cheating on at least one side. There is a difference. Thoughts that go unverbalized do not count as cheating, period, but when a person says certain things to you and you are speechless, I honesty can’t say for sure if you’re encouraging it or not. Unless you started it, my theory is, no. However, telling a person “I am not comfortable with where this has gone.” and ending all further contact does not make you a bad person, or anything else, regardless of how the other person chooses to spin the tale afterward.
None of us truly honest ladies deserve to be Internet stalked by a person we have put in their place, nor should we continue to be annoyed or made to feel like we have somehow done something wrong simply by lending a kind ear, as opposed to the outlandish story that was told in place of the truth. There actually is a lot of kindness here, but no one has the right to abuse that kindness.
The petition I am drawing up is calling for WordPress to offer a block feature, or a block button, for individuals that we do not want to read or comment on our work. Whichever they are willing to provide us with, we will gladly accept. This should be a standard option (I am willing to pay $10 a year for this as a feature, if it cannot be provided for free. I think that’s a fair price.), and we are the ones that get to activate it based on a person’s comments and behavior, and it gets triggered based on the ISP address of each harassing S.O.B., because when they log-on, they cannot read or comment on our work. Even if they aren’t logged on, their ISP address is blocked. If they do not interact with us, we can’t use it. If they belittle us, insult us, and insult our readers, then yes, we have immediate recourse to use it and shield ourselves from such a person, whomever they may be. If a person has to be blocked from your blog, that’s pretty fucking sad, but it’s also necessary. Many of us have to consider our safety above all else. I have heard others talk about a need for this, and I am in complete agreement with them. We should all feel comfortable and safe here because it is ours, not someone else’s. No one has the right to step into your world, insult you and be disrespectful, nor should they be able to criticize and accuse you of things that are 100% untrue. People in glass houses should not throw stones, and since I was recently blogged about, let it be known that I’ve got bigger, heavier bricks and I’m happy to throw them back. One of my Uncles’ was a former pitcher: I don’t throw like a girl.
The person I am talking about is, by far and large, not the worst offender on here, that goes to someone else who was recently taken down by one woman speaking up and speaking out. http://calamityrae.wordpress.com/2014/01/14/outing-eric-robillard-le-clown-the-magnificent-the-predator-with-the-red-nose/ Bravo to her. I do not know her, but I support her 100%. A lot of others came out of the woodwork after she spoke out, and basically, he was completely run off.
Unfortunately, the snake charmer is no better, and that is why I am writing this. This little pig needs to be slaughtered and I am here, knife poised, ready to do the job. Keep fucking with me little piggy, keep attacking my friends, keep pretending you’re a good person, keep blogging about us and claiming things that are not true. There is no excuse big enough that you can use to combat all the things you have done to so many different people because we’ve all got similar stories. I am NEVER surprised when someone else comes to me and your name is mentioned. You think you have friends, but people TRUST ME. THAT is friendship, you piece of shit. When you violate a person’s trust, you deserve to be publicly castrated. Be advised that anyone that comes to me privately and asks who I am writing about will be told precisely who I am talking about, and you will lose more little lambs from your flock.
Just because someone disagrees with you, is polite, but firm, and doesn’t kiss your ass does not mean you need to blog about them in a negative connotation. Not everyone is going to fall for your shit, and from what I have gathered in terms of intel, you are losing the battle. You’ve messed with people I care about, but your biggest mistake was messing with me. I am NOT a nice person when you push me, I do NOT eat bullshit politely with a knife and fork, and I do not take kindly to outright disrespect and blatant lies. You pretend to be this nice, kind, caring person, but all you want is followers to agree with you. You have crossed lines with me that no sane person would ever dare cross, and whether you realize it or not, you have completely and utterly disrespected the family you claim to love so much with your lies and deceit.
Take care of yourself and those within your own home, and stop worrying about people you do not know and will never know. None of us have any interest whatsoever in such a lower life form.
You targeted several friends of mine and tried to cut them down. Guess what? You’re the talentless one here, and you are the one who whines, complains, bitches, and uses other methods of attention-seeking behavior to try to garner sympathy and support because you cannot stand to be rejected or ignored. It’s called Narcissistic Behavior. I am also positive you suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, and I strongly suggest you seek treatment for it. Being subjected to your nonsense is a clear-cut method to losing every last ounce of one’s brain cells. Be gone, before someone drops a fucking house on you. And truly, that would be a vast improvement.
I have absolutely no idea who died and make you some kind of “blogger of the world”, but on top of being talentless, you have absolutely no right to go around insulting other bloggers, especially female bloggers, and telling them they’re not good enough to be bloggers (Did someone make you royalty? NO. Did anyone make you a decent writer? FUCK NO. You can barely spell. Try taking a course on proper spelling and grammar, not to mention punctuation.), nor do you have ANY right to go around hitting on women, and then claiming that’s not what you did. There is proof to the contrary, so what lie are you going to tell to attempt to cover that up? My recommendation? Run and hide like a certain Clown that was publicly outed, and rightly so.
I had no interactions with Eric (Le Clown) whatsoever, but my intuition always prickled whenever his name came up. I was never surprised whenever someone was telling me something negative about him. He’s gone, and for some reason you now think you can step into his predatory shoes? You’re utterly disgusting. For nearly a year you were playing yourself off as a nice person to me, and then you made the grave mistake of outing yourself as something completely different. Not once, not twice, not three times, not even four times, but a grand total of five times. I kept it to myself, and slowly, but surely people started coming to me to warn me and inform me of exactly what you are, and what your game is. Not once was I shocked or surprised. Even better, everyone has proof, including me. You can try and call one person a liar, but a group of us? NO. And before you do try it, I say GO FUCK YOURSELF.
I do not know what your exact problem is (I have ideas, but I am a lady, after all.), but you need to learn how to treat women. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, then you absolutely don’t do it on the Internet. Who the hell raised you, a pack of rabid hyenas? Maybe you weren’t hugged enough as a child, maybe your mother didn’t raise you right, maybe you had an absentee, fucked up father, but whatever the problem was in your formative years, you, yourself are responsible for what becomes of you after age 18. Yeah, that’s right. We cannot blame our parents for every single fucking thing that happens to us in our lives, not unless we are 100% living under their thumbs, and even then, remove yourself from the situation, get into therapy, and take control of your own life.
I strongly suggest you grow a pair of big boy balls and get over yourself. I also recommend a full psychiatric evaluation to make sure you don’t have multiple personalities because I can attest to the fact that you did not start off as some twisted psychopath, but you have certainly become one. I actually liked the first personality, but whoever you are now is truly worthless beyond words, and an embarrassment to the world at large. Maybe you already know that and that’s why you behave the way you do, however, none of it is an excuse.
If you have anything to say to me, I suggest you do so directly. If I don’t respond, it’s probably because you don’t deserve more from me than silence, and a broken jaw. You don’t just owe me an apology, you owe a lot of people an apology. I, personally, am not willing to accept it. If you say anything even slightly veiled about me on your blog, or about any of my friends, you will be hearing from my attorney. Keep your absurd stupidity to the already mentally incapacitated people you share it with. I wish them luck, because Lord, do they need it.
WordPress, you’ll be hearing from me about my ideas after I further consult with my group about precisely what it is we’d like in order to protect ourselves from assholes like the one I had to write about today. I will be formally filing a complaint with you about him, and I hope that if others do the same, you will boot him off this site for good. He does not belong here amongst the good people that aren’t harming anyone, that are, in fact, producing some fantastic material and deserve to be awarded and rewarded for their efforts.
There is something seriously wrong with this “person”. I hope he gets the help he needs, and that’s honestly about as kind as I will ever get again in regard to this pseudo-monster.
To those that are involved in this crap, I’m sorry for that. None of you deserve it. Thank you for trusting me with this situation, and allowing me to handle it to the best of my ability. Thank you for knowing that what was being said was lies, and for knowing exactly who to trust in matters such as this. We are united, and no snake charming mother fucker is going to come between that. I will turn him into a barrel of monkeys before I let that happen.
Anyone that wants/needs to come forward, I am sure you have my contact information. Do not hesitate to let me know what happened so that I can further the case with WordPress. Anything we can all do will help make this the place it once was, and should still be. There are enough predators in this world and on the Internet, they do NOT need to be here.
The opinions and concerns expressed in this post are copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino. The humor expressed is simply me being me. If you don’t like what I’ve said, please don’t read it. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
If you’re going to reblog this, make sure my copyright notice is attached. Grazie!
Author’s Note: I wrote this out of extreme concern for a person’s safety. That’s the place it comes from, so please don’t try and twist it into something it is not. I digress a bit at times, but I feel like I’ve made some very valid points.
Odd Marriage Trends & Idiocy Via Social Media
I’ve noticed an extremely disturbing marriage trend that just plain feels unkosher to me. I can’t describe it any other way than that. Creepy is another word I have to use, because deep within my soul, it just doesn’t feel right. When something doesn’t feel right to me, and it concerns another human being, or more than one human being, especially someone I know, and it involves their safety, I simply MUST speak out and use my voice. I’m generally a pretty quiet person (shocking, I know!), but when something feels so wrong that my brain screams at me to open my mouth, I have to do something, even if “something” is posing the question to my readers.
If a friend told you she’d gotten married to someone after only meeting this person a few times, having spent very little time with him, and that he lived in another country, what would you think? By “another country” I do not mean that he’s in the military or has a job that takes him away for lengthy periods of time, but 100% does.not.live.with.his.wife. Is that bizarre to you, ‘cause it just plain feels unkosher to me.
I’ve often joked in the past with my close friends about not needing my boyfriend/husband/partner with me 24/7, but in actuality, if I didn’t see him for a year or years, I certainly wouldn’t feel like I was in a relationship or marriage AT ALL. If he simply traveled for work at times and we had kids, which required me to stay home for some reason, like their schooling, then I do think it would get on my nerves eventually. A few trips for work a month is no big deal, but years?! Am I crazy thinking there is something not right here?
If a friend told you “I got married and I won’t see my husband for two years…” would you automatically think “Military” or would you be thinking “Mail Order Bride”? I have to be honest, when a man marries someone he barely knows, someone who lives in a country known for its extreme poverty, and he lives in a country on the opposite side of the world, it doesn’t scream “marriage” to me, it screams “Something isn’t right here.” There aren’t just red flags, there are thousands of blinking red lights.
Unfortunately, way too many women automatically believe that you are jealous of them if you pose a question of this nature, as opposed to seeing things from your perspective and realizing that you care enough about them to ask them about this “arrangement” because, in a world where women disappear into the sex trade and there’s rampant human trafficking occurring, you’d be a truly terrible friend if you didn’t speak up and say something BEFORE you find out that this person just went missing “on her way to visit her husband”. There’s not a whole lot you can do once that happens, but in the time leading up to it, yes, you can speak out and make them aware.
I am extremely disturbed by this arrangement a “friend” of mine has and I’m deeply concerned. Not just because she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but because she desperately seeks love and acceptance from others and the way she goes about it, to me, is extremely unhealthy. She believes everyone in this world, at their core, is good. Maybe it’s the detective in me, maybe it’s just intelligence and intuition screaming at me, but I don’t see everyone in this world as predominantly good. I’ve seen way too much evil to believe that every single person walking this planet is supremely good and that each person has nothing, but good intentions. I’m way too smart for that fairytale nonsense. She should be old enough to have some common sense, but she lacks in this department, as many people do. She’s all over the fairytale. She truly believes she’s found her “Prince Charming”. It’s scary, because she is suffering through a lot of health issues and this man is not physically present for her whatsoever. To me, that’s not a marriage.
Normally I would keep my mouth shut & mind my own business, but this time everything was screaming at me to check this guy out. I researched this man she constantly refers to as her “hubby” (God as my witness, a man is only your “hubby” when he lives with you and sees you every single day. If you don’t wake up next to a person every day, it’s not an ideal marriage. Especially during the first year of marriage. God help me if I EVER refer to a man as my “hubby”. Try calling me “wifey”, you’ll be picking up your teeth for the next month. I do NOT do cutesy nicknames or pathetic references to married life and the person I share that life with. If you’ve been married longer than a year and you call your husband “your hubby”, that is your prerogative. We all use different references and names. However, every time I hear it, I throw up a little, ‘cause it’s nauseating. My friends all say “my husband”, or they use their partner’s actual name, they do not use obnoxious references or ridiculous nicknames. Maybe that’s why it is so much more sickening to me, I don’t know.), because I, by no means, think any of this is genuine.
It might be genuine on her end of things, she’s a person with a good heart who has been seeking the right person for quite some time, but again, not the sharpest tool in the shed. I’ve never met a man that loves a woman and is willing to live somewhere else for years once they are married, not unless it’s a financial thing and they have a plan to re-locate within a certain time frame, and the time frames are usually short enough that it doesn’t ever raise a red flag. Generally, this occurs in the military or when people work in different countries for a period of time based on their profession. None of this has been mentioned outside of “I’m going to visit him next year and he’s going to visit me the year after that.”, so I think that, as a friend, I should be concerned. I have to go with my intuition here and it has never, not once, lied to me.
Many years ago a friend of mine met a guy on-line. After a few years, they got married. He lived in England, and she lived in the U.S. He had visa problems because he constantly had to go back home due to illnesses within his family. She missed him terribly and when they were unable to get his visa cleared, she finally had enough, got her own, and moved to England permanently to establish citizenship. They’d hoped to be able to do that here, but with his family in one country and not well, and only some of her family here, it was the logical thing to do. We’d been friends for years and remained in touch after her marriage and subsequent move, but eventually we just lost touch. The difference between that relationship and the one I write about today is that they didn’t jump in to anything, they took time to get to know one another. I didn’t have a single red flag when she’d call me about him. In fact, I tried to help her in terms of information at times because she was slightly unsure if she should move or not. Initially during her first three months there, she absolutely HATED it and wanted to come home, but she stayed because she loved her husband, he loved her, and she didn’t want to be apart from him. That’s commitment, and I’m sure most of the married people reading this will agree with me.
One of my best friends has been married since she was about 19. Several years ago her husband’s company asked him to help open a new office for them…in Australia. It was only supposed to be six month, a year TOPS. Her work takes her all over the world, but this time she didn’t want to make the trip. She sent him ahead of her, but after a few months, I told her to just go for a few weeks and see if she liked it. She came back after the initial trip, and when she returned, she ended up staying right up until the last minute of still being able to fly pregnant, which is when they both returned, and months later their daughter was born with dual citizenship in the U.S. and Canada. Again, that’s a committed relationship. Even while he worked, she still traveled for her own job, but mostly, she wanted to be a supportive wife, which is why she went in the first place. She said she was ok with him being in Australia by himself, but in reality, she didn’t like it. She thought that by staying home, she was being supportive. I am glad I encouraged her to make the trip. They are stronger for it.
I’ve slightly gotten into the red flag thing, but let me expand: If I told any of my best friends that this was an arrangement I had just entered into, or that I was romancing the idea of doing such a thing, each of them would tell me outright that something wasn’t right. They would also advise me to wait until we are both living in the same country before agreeing to marriage. After all, what the hell do you know about this person when you’ve only spent short periods of time with them? Not for nothing, they wouldn’t actually need to tell me any of this because I’m not impulsive and I don’t rush into anything. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and if I’m going to stand up before God, my family, and my friends and take vows, then I’m truly committed to that person, and he damn well had better be committed to me because I’m not afraid to break out the shotgun, and neither is anyone else I know.
Red flags are a big thing for me in relationships. This one that’s bothering me has gigantic Red John sized red flags all over it. I was willing to let it go since she’s happy, until I sent her a response to a message that I found more than a little obnoxious via e-mail, where I basically asked her NOT to discuss anything private with me on my Facebook wall, or via Facebook at all. She responded, via Facebook (Like I said, not the sharpest tool in the shed.), with several different excuses as to why she cannot access her e-mail account from her computer, her iPhone (I’m sorry, but if I cannot access a Google Mail account via my incredibly overpriced “Smartphone”, then I do what any person with a functioning brain does: I get a NEW e-mail address with another company, Yahoo for example, where I CAN access my e-mail, and I let everyone know that I have had to make a change in e-mail addresses for the time being. Simple enough, right? We’ve all done it at one time or another. I myself was gifted with a new Android phone sometime last Spring/early Summer. I activated it on my birthday after Verizon terminated my previous cell after I’d already paid them. The bank got my money back, and despite truly loving my Verizon service and my 4 year old phone, as well as the phone number, I sunk to a new low with this new phone and activated it with Virgin Mobile, a company I’ve never done business with before. In order to use this particular brand, you’re required to attach it to a Google Mail account, so when I was initially gifted with said phone, I created a Google Mail account, despite the fact that I rarely use it. No big deal, it took less than five minutes. It’s not rocket science. I can access my mail from anywhere in the world, Google account or not. Maybe this is an iPhone issue, I don’t know, but I still think what I said is completely valid.), etc., and then told me the big whopper that was something I simply cannot abide by: She informed me that her husband dictates her e-mail to her via FaceTime conversations, so the only way she can talk to me “privately” is via Facebook. Are you fucking kidding me?! Get out the Revenge Red Sharpie everyone, because this one seriously creeps me the fuck out. In what world do they live in?!
Do you let your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/partner read your private e-mail discussions between you & friends that they don’t know and have never met? I ask this in a completely “I’m not cheating” way, because I don’t, nor will I ever. I can understand if you’re just checking their phone to make sure your partner isn’t sending inappropriate text messages to someone else (if you’re the kind of person that does that. I do not.), but outside of that, I think it’s a bit much. I don’t let anyone read my e-mail. I might read something to a person when I am trying to handle a situation that bothers me, or when I want advice about something, but I keep the private sections to myself as any truly good friend should. As much as I give in the relationships in which I am in, and as much as I love, my friendships do not pertain to my boyfriend/husband/partner, so I do not feel he needs to know what I say to my friends or what they say in return. Unless something is said in front of him or directly to him, I believe in some semblance of a private social life. I expect him to have a private social life in many regards as well, and I don’t find that odd, I find it healthy.
I believe in each of us having our own friends, and in having friends as a couple. That does not mean I am cheating or keeping secrets, it simply means there are boundaries in relationships and I don’t cross them. Reading my e-mail to me like you’re some kind of overbearing father figure is not something I would EVER accept or allow, unless I was dead, in which case, have a fucking ball. He’d have to spend the next 40 years of his life deciphering the codes in which my friends and I speak any way, so not only would he be clueless beyond words, he’d get really bored, really fast.
This man, that I do not know and have never met or spoken to, had the audacity to send me a rude message on Facebook (interestingly enough she clearly doesn’t have any privacy considering the message was from her, with his name attached to it. How are our discussions “private” if he has her password to speak on her behalf?) because I was honest with his wife about something so minor, that no person on this planet with an I.Q. above their shoe size would take offense to. She is someone I’ve known for a very long time, and here he is telling me she’s been told not to get in contact with me ever again, and not only can’t he speak English, he can’t spell or write properly either. Considering he’s supposedly from a country where English is the predominant language spoken, do you find that remotely odd? I certainly do. Again, RED FUCKING FLAGS!
Thanks to the idiocy that is social media, people no longer feel the need to send out engagement announcements, wedding announcements, birth announcements, or invitations to anything. They truly think it is safe and completely normal to post their entire lives on social media, but then they wonder why their identities get stolen. and how people they don’t know suddenly know every single thing about them. They wonder why they get stalked. Lets be honest: It’s not because you’re a fascinating creature that people want to be “friends” with, it’s because you’ve lost the ability to keep your private life PRIVATE. Privacy is not a setting, it’s basic common sense. Every single aspect of their lives, from where they eat, shop, live, etc., and a plethora of photos that should be kept private, are there for anyone in the world to come across. Go to my Facebook page, apart from photos of my deceased cats and my new baby, you will not find any personal photos there whatsoever. My best friends (those that have known me for less than 20 years) didn’t even know what I looked like until they landed at the airport when I picked them up the first time they came to see me, and they were all fine with that. If you want to know what I look like, you’ll have to wait for the back cover of my novel, and that’s providing I go the picture route at all. When I say I’m a private person, I actually mean it. It’s not because I am hiding anything, it’s because I have learned to protect my safety and to keep personal things to myself. Do I want an absolute stranger approaching me in public simply because they’ve wandered onto my blog? The answer is an emphatic NO.
Several years ago I found one of my cousins on Facebook. I was utterly appalled to see that he had hundreds of family photos posted where anyone could come across them. I could have been a stranger, as opposed to a family member, and it would have been all too easy to do God only knows what because not only were his wife and children prominent in a great many of the photos, but so were photos of his home, his siblings, their children, spouses, and my Aunt & Uncle. Not for nothing, these people abandoned my brother & I completely after my parents died. They are my first cousins, the only first cousins I have. All four of them are married or in a committed relationship, and not a single one knows how to return a fucking phone call or be a decent human being. I did not get so much as a phone call or a condolence card upon losing both of my parents, but when their father passed away, I made sure we were all there before he died, as well as at the funeral, and at the house right afterwards. I spent months calling several of them after he passed away to try to make sure we established relationships, and they treated me like I didn’t exist. You can only ignore me for so long before I lose all interest in you from start to finish. I am embarrassed to share bloodlines and Grandparents with them, but I adore their children to pieces and would give them bodily organs if ever they needed it. That’s the difference between them and me, but I digress.
I generalize a lot of what I write on this blog, and I do it for a reason. Only a handful of you know me as a living, breathing person, have my phone number, or have friended me on different social media sites where I maintain a presence as a writer, and those that do have higher levels of information about me as a person are people I trust not to disrespect that, nor would I ever disrespect them and the friendship they have extended to me. If I’ve exchanged e-mails with you, and you can contact me like a normal person, then that means something. It means you are welcome in my life. Not just my on-line life, but my real, every day life. That is something I honor very few people with because I learned very early on in my professional career that far too many people wanted to be a part of my life for the wrong reasons. In turn, I let very few people into my life, heart, or home. I am a writer and I publicly post some incredibly personal, honest things here, but I also have boundaries to protect my privacy, as should we all.
This entire ordeal with my “friend” feels wrong to me for a lot of reasons, but the main reasons are: I have no respect for anyone that is trying to control another person, and somehow manages to do so from a completely different country. They don’t even live under the same roof! Moreover, I know that when something feels this wrong to me, the outcome is not going to be pretty.
When I have an intense sense of something, I am almost always right. I take no pleasure in being right about things of this nature, but I truly feel she is in danger and I have no idea how to approach her with it. She’s being civil with me, moving towards childishly friendly, but this guy is in her ear and she’s preaching The Bible at me, among other things. Before she met this guy, she was practicing Wicca. That’s a drastic switch in such a short period of time, so I take offense to her responding to the things I write about Wicca because I never abandoned it. Maybe that seems ridiculous or childish, but if you know me, you will understand what I’m saying and that it’s not coming from a judgmental place, merely a place of extreme awareness, as well as extreme concern.
I’m concerned for her safety in going to visit this guy. I do not trust him as far as I can throw him, and I’m pretty sure I could take him. I have no respect for a man that has the audacity to come into my domain and tell me what to say, how to say it, and whom to say it to. No one tells me what to do, I am not anyone’s property. I am not something that needs to be controlled.
For the record, my boyfriend was APPALLED that a man that does not know me would do such a thing. He, himself, would defend me if someone was physically harming me, he’s never let anyone disrespect me, but he knows full well that in pretty much every situation, I can handle myself. He does not have to speak for me. He’s smart enough to stay out of things that do not pertain to him. I do the same. It’s about respect, it’s not about a lack of emotion towards the other person.
He has been a part of my life for far longer than he has been a boyfriend, and much like me, manners are important to him. Facebook nonsense irritates him just as much as it irritates me, and he is not a part of it because he feels it would be detrimental to his professional career. When he sees me dealing with these things, he asks me why I don’t just tell all of these people to go to hell. He doesn’t understand why I navigate it gently. In fact, he thinks this piece is “too soft”. His advice was to be a lot more “in your face”. Alas, there’s a reason I’m the writer and he is not.
Being in a relationship of any kind, especially marriage, requires a foundation of friendship and respect. It doesn’t mean you hand over every single aspect of your life to the other person, or that you allow them to control you in any way. That’s just plain sick behavior to me, not to mention antiquated thinking.
Exactly how many people are omitting “Obey” from their wedding vows? If you want something or someone to obey you, get a fucking dog. Train it. Throw him/her a bone every now and then, and it’ll “Obey” you. If you expect your 21st century wife to “Obey” you, you definitely won’t be marrying a modern woman. Maybe that attitude will swing in other cultures, but if that way of thinking is working anywhere in this country, get yourself to therapy IMMEDIATELY. Don’t walk. RUN. Subservience and passiveness in women is a huge issue for me. I know for some it is simply in their nature, but I lack the ability to be a “People Pleaser”, and I also completely and utterly lack the ability to be a poor friend.
Far too many women are marrying people they do not know and end up in human trafficking, sex trades, become drug addicts overnight, or they end up dead. Many lose every single dime they spent their lives working for, all in the name of “love”. How can I not be concerned?! Meeting someone on the Internet does not guarantee that he is being honest with you about anything, especially if you’ve only ever been around him, or with him, for short periods of time. For all the Match.com and eHarmony “success stories”, note that you’re not being told all of the horror stories that run rampant through dating sites of all kinds. I’m a very open person, and a lot of the stories I hear are enough to keep me far, FAR away from any forum where I could potentially be meeting someone that has done nothing to earn my trust. It gives you an illusion of safety, nothing more. In reality, it’s about as safe as most bars, except that more and more bars have cameras around as a precautionary measure.
I strongly encourage women to run background checks on guys they’re dating, if for nothing else than pure peace of mind. At the very least, Google him first to make sure he’s not wanted for a crime, and make sure he’s never been to jail for anything questionable. If you live in California, do both a Google search and an IMDB search. Trust me on this one.
Call me old-fashioned, but no matter how I meet a guy, I want to be looking him in the eye when he tells me certain things. I want to be able to see his body language. Once you’ve spent enough time with a person, you know whether or not you feel comfortable enough to pursue a relationship. This does not happen right away, not if you’re smart. I would rather spend time talking to a person and getting to know him as an individual before jumping his bones. Call me crazy, but I like knowing a guy’s middle name, where he was born, what his parents and siblings names are, and what his tells are. Hell, I’m even happy to hear about his Grandparents if they’re still alive. I don’t want a resume, but I do want to know he’s not a piece of shit. If you’re friends with someone, you will find things out so much easier as opposed to jumping into a relationship with them. And at the core of the best relationships are two people who genuinely like spending time together, even if they’re simply reading different things in the same room, you’ll see them glance up at one another and smile. The silence is comfortable, and each person feels safe with the other.
I am a little concerned in posting this because I know I wasn’t Ms. Sweetness & Light here, but anyone that knows me shouldn’t expect me to dump 50 pounds of confectioner’s sugar on something that could potentially be a very serious matter. In turn, this will be available to be read for a short period of time and after that it will be made Private to protect the guilty, as well as the innocent. In the meantime, please tell me what you think.
How would you handle this sort of situation with a friend? And yes, I am perfectly willing to let the friendship end if it means she gets a brain and is kept safe. I would rather she see him for what he really is, than end up a statistic. I have said nothing to her about my concerns because she is not open to hearing anything beyond her own self-involved “bliss”. She thinks he is the greatest thing in the world. Love is blind, sometimes too much so, but love should never be suicidally stupid.
Why “Fat Shaming” Week Makes Me Hate Humanity
I am so proud of Marie for writing this article and making people aware. “Fat Shaming” is one of the worst things EVER. It’s downright evil. We tell our children to be accepting, we teach them kindness and to love and share, but what kind of adults are we becoming when we act like this and that’s what children see? It’s sick crap. This, in my eyes, is just as bad as any other form of racism or hatred. It’s not only unnecessary, it’s viciously attacking people for not being what you want them to be, which is a mirror image of you. Why would we want to be?!
Fat is a four letter word to me. Use it in my presence and you’ll need serious facial reconstruction.
The ignorance you will see in this article will piss you off. Reblog as you wish and let other people know that this is wrong. The sick bastards that came up with this crap will probably die a lot sooner than the rest of us. Labeling Fibromyalgia as an illness caused “by obesity” makes me LIVID. It’s an outright LIE.
Be healthy and do what’s right for you (this is different for everyone). Throw away the scale, lose the guilt, and stop looking at numbers. As long as you’re a good person, that is what matters. Spread positivity, not hatred.
Learning To Love Our Bodies
I’ve been meaning to share this blog for quite some time now. It breaks my heart that any child would ask if raisins are fattening. I openly admit to having an image problem, but I can tell you that it did not start until I left gymnastics and it didn’t begin at home. In fact, I never saw anything wrong with myself physically (except for obvious things that all girls find issue with at one time in their life or another) until people started pointing my flaws out left and right. All of a sudden, I was avoiding mirrors and wouldn’t purchase new clothes.
As women, we make this worse. Instead of building each other up, we tear each other down. It’s disgusting and I don’t want to be a part of that. If I think someone is beautiful, be it inner or outer beauty (occasionally it is both, but not all the time,), then I find absolutely nothing wrong with saying it. That doesn’t mean I want to be in a relationship with them, it simply means I’m not blind.
Zero and Double Zero are not sizes, even if that’s your “natural weight”. It should not be anyone’s goal of perfection because perfection is an illusion. Be yourself. Be comfortable in the skin you’re in because you’re going to be in that skin for a very long time. Be kind to yourself and try to achieve self-acceptance, because it’s so much easier than “perfection”.
The Fibromyalgia Myth
This FREAKS ME OUT. I have been tested for Lyme Disease more than once, but I am going to request a re-test due to some of the things I have been experiencing of late, just to be on the safe side. For some of us, I think we need to be tested and re-tested because Lyme Disease is no joke. Neither is Fibromyalgia, but there’s no denying that the symptoms are the same and if we’re not seeing any relief, maybe there’s a misdiagnosis somewhere along the line. How amazing would it be if some of us could get our lives back and not have to suffer to the extent that we do?
I don’t think it hurts to double-check and find out if any of this applies to some or maybe even all of us. Better safe, than sorry. Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask questions, and be your own advocate.
There Will Come A Time…
“There will come a time when you will discover that a person’s friendship has never been anything other than false. It’s similar to the trappings of love. People like to wrap words up in pretty paper, adding ribbons for decoration, all to hide the shallowness of the truth.” -Unknown
Obamacare: Systematically destroying this country all in one day. Well done “Mr. President”.
I am a registered Independent and I did not vote for this asshole. Do the math, you’ll find it’s cheaper to insure your car & home as opposed to insuring yourself under this new act. This makes me so embarrassed to be American born.
Do bad days ever just turn into bad months, culminating in a series of moments where you realize that you’re experiencing a bad year, or possibly bad years, plural? That’s how I’m feeling right now and yet, people refuse to mind their own business, step back, and fuck off. I should be wearing a Do Not Disturb sign as a t-shirt because I am all sorts of pissed off and there’s just no getting around it. I wish I could say it was *just* PMS (sorry guys), but honestly, I think I’ve simply reached my limit for the next 10 years worth of idiocy, ignorance, stupidity, and douche-baggery.
I actually had someone start an obnoxious passive-aggressive “fight” with me via Facebook this week. If a person doesn’t speak to me at all for well over a year and a half and then proceeds to comment on my status with a “Hehe” (My God-daughter will be three in six months, and her vocabulary is far superior to that of an almost 40 year old woman. How sad is that?!), I am going to want to harm them. This is just plain fact, though most of the time I am very good at ignoring one’s idiocy, depending on how high you are on my friendship/love scale.
Pretending to be a “friend” wanting to “brighten my day” is bullshit. If a person wants to brighten my day, there are so many private ways to do that, you do not need to do it on Facebook so that others can think you’re a good person. Moreover, either I am your friend at all times or you can fuck off. There is no middle ground. I am not here for anyone’s amusement. I take my friendships and relationships seriously because honestly, why bother if you’re not going to be genuine?! Be real. Don’t pretend with me and then passively aggressively ask me if you’ve done something wrong. Yes, you’ve done something wrong. You’ve behaved like an idiotic jack-ass and even better, everyone on Facebook gets to see how childish you are and how curt I am in turn. When I tell a person that Facebook is not the time, nor the place for this, and that if they have something to say to me personally, to do so, that does NOT mean you ask me a question via Facebook messaging. It means you put on your big girl panties and send me an e-mail like an adult (this only pertains to friends overseas. If you live in the U.S. or Canada, pick up the fucking phone. I asked several people if I was wrong and they agreed with me, so I know I’m not being childish, petty, or dramatic.). And please, do us all a favor and don’t claim that I’m a treasured friend “regardless of the miles between us or how busy our daily lives are” (I’m paraphrasing here.) when I haven’t been a treasured friend in quite some time. In fact, do yourself a very big favor and un-friend me ’cause it’s very clear to me that we are not friends, as most people on Facebook aren’t any way, despite knowing each other for 18 years.
A formerly dear friend (who I will eventually blog about because after discarding me for a guy she barely knew three years ago, I need to get the situation off my chest before I show up at her front door and do her serious harm. That’s not a threat, it’s not often I feel such anger and hatred toward someone I once loved like a sister.) once told me that it’s ok to outgrow people and move on from friendships when they no longer work for you. She also said she believes in having closure and saying something to the other person, as opposed to just leaving them hanging (apparently not, but it wouldn’t be the first time a huge lie came out of her big trap!). I did not know if I agreed back then, but now I’m feeling like maybe she was right. Of course, maybe my tolerance level just isn’t up to snuff this week/month/year. Who knows? Who cares? Vicious mood shall remain vicious. I have a weekend full of sports to take out my hostility on.
I’ll be back with your usually scheduled insanity when my post-concussion nausea and dizziness subside. Does anyone have any ginger? This is NOT the time for me to run out of ginger tea. Note to self: Buy stock in Lipton.