“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.” ―David Foster Wallace
Veteran’s Tragic Suicide Note Leaves CNN Host Speechless, Forgive Me This Is Tough
*Yet, I get condemned for stating the obvious. No one should EVER have to feel this way and I agree, the medical community is afraid to treat thanks to the DEA’s fear tactics. I’ve had two of my treating physicians paid visits by them for barely prescribing pain medicine to migraine and pain patients. How is it wrong to give a patient 5 pills because she’s moving to a new state and you don’t want her to end up in the Emergency Room? It is wrong to be a doctor and NOT be able to treat your patients as you see fit. After medical school and completing your residency, you’re licensed to be able to prescribe medication and, most importantly, help people. If you’re being crippled by the government, you might as well NOT go into such immense debt to become a physician.*
It’s So Hard…
“Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That’s above and beyond everything else, and it’s not a mental complaint-it’s a physical thing, like it’s physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don’t come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people’s words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.” ―Ned Vizzini
The Unwritten Goodbyes
Having lost people to suicide, and watching family members and friends go through it as well, I feel this is very important to share.