Truly Good……

Truly Good…

I don’t usually share two quotes in one day, but one of my best friends just said this to me this morning and it REALLY made me feel good. This is one of the reasons she & I have been best friends for over 20 years, I’m blessed to have her in my life.

Truly good friends do whatever humanly possible so as NOT to fail their friends. They care, they give of their time, they listen, they’re loyal, they don’t blow smoke up your ass, they tell you when you’re wrong, they are unfailingly supportive, but most of all, they know how to be a friend. You are, one million percent, that friend and I love you for it.” © Stefanie Adams-McNamara

Full Strawberry Moon

Full Strawberry Full Moon

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Friday the 13th may be bad luck for some, for witches and Pagans it’s often considered a magical date. After all, Friday is named for Freyja, a Norse goddess of fertility (sometimes called Frigg). The ancient Egyptians associated the number thirteen with immortality, there were twelve steps on the ladder to eternal life and knowledge; the thirteenth step meant going through death into everlasting life. Upper-class Romans required thirteen guests to be present at weddings as did the Norse vikings.

Finally, thirteen has a strong association with the moon for modern Pagans and Wiccans. There are thirteen lunar cycles each year, and many of us celebrate the Full Moons with an Esbat rite. Thirteen is the traditional number of witches in a coven. You will not see another one of these occurrences until 2049.

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Tonight’s Full Moon, called the Strawberry Moon because of the abundance of strawberries around at this time. It is traditional to eat strawberries on this day. If you have a lover or a love interest, give them roses as this Moon is also known as the Rose or the Love Moon. It is the perfect time to patch up relationships, get married, or find a new love. The June Moon is also known as the Honey Moon because it has a slight amber tint to it, and it is also a time when bees are at their most active.

Tonight’s Full Moon also falls on Friday the 13th. This will not be very significant for many, but for the superstitious it can hold a lot of significance and it won’t happen again for another 35 years, so it is very rare.

This Moon is all about balance, as it is exactly the middle of the year. It is a time to ask yourself what you have achieved throughout the year so far and if you are happy with it. Take stock of all you have and all you wish for, and work out a path or a way to achieve your goals in the coming months. This Full Moon is a great time to list what it is you want from life and to work out what you need to do in order to achieve it. Give your message to the universe and let it know what you want. Let your dreams, hopes, and wishes manifest.

The Moon is in the sign of Sagittarius which is a sign of truth, travel, and ambition. Things that were in the dark will now start to come to light, new truths will be revealed. Use the energy of this Full Moon to explore, make travel plans, see people, or talk to people you haven’t seen for a while. Sagittarius Moon asks us to step into a bigger picture, to look at our ambitions and act on them.

This Full Moon will have our emotions on high alert, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. We will be feeling a little fragile at the moment so be kind and gentle with yourself, don’t be to self critical, try to stay positive and think about all the good in your life rather than the bad. There may be emotional desire to pack up and go off on an adventure to distant lands or visit places that bring up sweet memories. The sign of Sagittarius often feels its passion in travel, visiting new lands, and meeting people from other walks of life.

This is the Full Moon just before the Summer Solstice, which is the height of Summer. The earth is full of energy and life. Use these energies to inspire you, be creative and go out into nature for long walks, see the beauty all around you and embrace all life has to offer. Let the Moon heal and energize you.

Have a blessed Full Moon, may the Goddess watch over you.

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*Most written credit goes to Wicca Teachings. Photo credits to Wicca Teachings.*

We’re Not…

We’re not speaking, and I don’t know why.

On my side I understand it very clearly, I have been betrayed and have nothing to say.

On your side are a plethora of excuses, born out of fear.

You would be right in that reaction, for I do not take kindly to betrayal, lies, or passive aggressive bullshit.

I have found you weak, I have found you unworthy. I have found you lacking in all things that matter.

Being polite and civil to me will only get you so far.

The simple fact is, I have no need for you any more.

There is no forgiveness to be had. So fly away, and please don’t ever return in my direction.

Copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

 

Feelings

Feelings

Have you ever sat down to write something, only to realize that you have nothing to say? By “nothing to say”, I mean nothing nice to say, nothing of consequence, therefore, you know within the deepest part of your soul that the best thing to do is keep your mouth shut and keep on keepin’ on, until, eventually, that ugliness in your head passes and you can once again write something nice. We all visit blogs for humor, inspiration, to escape our own lives, but not to visit someone else’s bitterness. If a person has a valid story to share, that is completely different, because I don’t perceive that as bitterness, I perceive that as “Hey, this is what I’ve been through.” Life experience is, sometimes, extremely negative in the living, but in the survival? We can look back on it and say “I made it through the darkest, ugliest, most brutal shit, and I’m still here.”

Of late, I really haven’t wanted to discuss a whole lot. Mostly because I am dealing with some very heavy, dark, brutal shit. My Fibromyalgia pain has escalated to a point where I cannot handle it any more, and I feel like each day is a battle for my life. That seems dramatic, but when you live with this son of a bitch day in a day out, having someone say you don’t have it, that you don’t suffer, and that you’re “perfectly fine” is God damn insulting.

Sometimes you can pick up little tidbits on my mind-set or mood based on the things I post when I am not writing, and other times you can’t because I might simply be feeling the need to be quiet. Not every song is indicative of my mood, but sometimes they are.

May, on a whole, is a dark month for me. It is riddled with loss, and from start to finish, I am reminded on a daily basis of each loss. It makes it tough to get out of bed each day and conduct myself in any kind of manner. In fact, I will probably be M.I.A for parts of this month because I just need to get back to myself. I need to take a step back and remind myself who I am, how far I have come, what direction I am going in, and re-set my goals. I need to deal with the pain I am going through, both physically and emotionally, and either go it alone or go through it with the support of good friends. Honestly, I’m used to doing everything by myself when it comes to emotions and hard shit, so when I have support, it’s often hard for me to adjust to it. It’s been a long time since I’ve had people I can rely on no matter what. That is no one else’s failing, it is merely the result of a lot of lies, abandonment, neglect, and the end result: Anger. I am not the kind of person that can remain sane, smile sweetly, and pretend people haven’t done horrible things to me. I’m not good at being fake. I don’t eat bullshit politely with a knife and fork and ask you to pass the salt. It’s not in my nature. I can be the absolute best friend you’ll ever have in this world, or the single most venomous person who will ever deal with, and it all depends on how you treat me. I try very hard to be supremely fair, but I’ve reached that point where my patience is severely limited. Idiots need not apply.

So, if you’re feeling like I am being neglectful here, please understand that it’s time for me to focus deeply on self-care. I cannot bring you quality and share my projects with you if I am unable to focus and create. I will absolutely be around, but not in an immense capacity. I will still read what everyone writes and posts, I will still comment, and I am reachable by phone and e-mail, and via Facebook, but beyond that, for now, I’m out. I’m drained. I need a break.

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“Why Haven’t You Been Blogging As Much?”…

The other day a friend asked me “Why haven’t you been blogging as much? You’re not writing.” Keen observation. Actually, I am writing. I am a writer, we don’t just stop writing. I’ve got over 200 pages that shows I am writing, really. However, I have not felt like posting a whole lot on my blog this month in terms of written material. Why, you might ask? Because, having been raised with manners, I do know when to keep my mouth shut.

What’s bothering me? The hypocrisy of so much, and so many. The lies, the false friends, and a plethora of other bullshit that just rubs me the wrong way, to the point where what I have to say isn’t very nice.

The pain in which I endure on a daily basis has gutted me. I can only fight one battle at a time and my health is taking priority right now, so if my lack of writing has offended someone, sue me.

If I were to say anything, it would be that I have had it up to my eyeballs with the nonsense, with people misinterpreting clear, concise definitions of what I say, and turning it into something ugly when it is not. I am tired of back-handed comments and compliments. I am truly angry with the lack of comprehension amongst people who are supposed to be my friends, yet seem to be on some sort of “save the world” mission. No one needs false friends. No one intelligent, any way. Please stop insulting my intelligence with your false affection and concern. I’d prefer it if you just ignored me completely as opposed to all the bullshit. I don’t need my ass kissed, I don’t need smoke blown up my ass, and I don’t need anything or anyone who is not completely genuine.

Moreover, it really is ok to disagree with me on any given topic. Agreeing is not mandatory, and there is no need to try and relate to me by making it sound like we’re similar. It’s really, truly all right if we are not. I don’t expect anyone to be me, or be like me. The world would be very odd if everyone had the exact same thoughts, feelings, and actions. In fact, at times, it would be quite dangerous.

Also, unless I have solicited advice, I don’t need passive-aggressive comments about anything. I find them so incredibly rude, especially when I see them on my friend’s pages. They might be nice people, but I will tell you to go to hell. Plain and simple.

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In general, I’m sick of the negativity, so I’ve taken some time to cleanse myself of it. I don’t know exactly how much more time I will need, but I hope that no one will see my blog and assume I am not present. I am most certainly present here on an almost daily basis in one form or another, but when it comes to my own written word, I’m just not feeling it right now. I do have a list of subjects I will be presenting in the future, but right now, I need some time to focus on my health. I hope those that do actually care about me will be able to understand and respect that. There are a few that I know care, but I cannot speak for everyone and in truth, I don’t expect people to care about someone they don’t know well enough to be investing much into beyond reading and commenting.

Wishing you all Spring Showers for May Flowers!

No Matter How…..

No Matter How…

“No matter how bad a day you’re having, especially in a professional setting, don’t EVER take it out on people you’re supposed to be helping. It’s beyond unprofessional and it makes people see a side of you that you’ll never be able to get back.” -Lisa Marino

Another Year…

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Another year has passed, and I am, once again, sitting here memorializing my mother. I’m going to try and do that each year, for as long as there is still some semblance of life left in me. One day my own children will be able to look back on what is written about their Grandmother, they will be able to see photos of her, and they will know. Maybe that’s what is most important, that they know, that her memory lives on through me.

I come from a very large family. On one side of my family, I’m one of the only girls. On each side of the family though, I’m like the female black sheep. I was looking at photos recently, from when I was a little girl, and my expressions and body language let me know that even then, I did not fit in with everyone else. Some people might say “That was your choice.”, but children KNOW exactly who loves them and who does not. I have always been highly intuitive. No one ever spoke baby talk to me. I was always spoken to like a little adult, from day one. There are photos of me looking at people oddly whenever they DID break out the “goobly goo” shit that was not used around me. There are photos of me where, when adults spoke in my presence, I was always listening. The other children were always playing and running around being kids, but not me, I was always paying attention to my surroundings and the people in it.

There’s a little bit of everything in my family. Doctors, therapists, lawyers, professional athletes, musicians, singers, politicians, photographers, jewelry designers, electricians, technological geniuses. And then there’s me. I’ve always been a highly creative individual. I started off as a gymnast, it was everything to me. My Mom encouraged this, as I jumped, leaped, tumbled, twisted, did back hand-springs, splits, and things that most normal people do not do from parallel or uneven bars. Somewhere in the middle of my journey, I became a writer.

My Mom turned my quiet, shy, introverted voice into a strong, “in your face”, confident human being, someone who was not afraid to speak up and speak out. She gave me rules, structure, and taught me boundaries that I use to this day. She always said I wrote with a supreme sense of fairness, but that I’d knock a person down with 50 words if I had to, or 100, however many it took. All of these things are still true.

She would always say “The pen is mightier than the sword.” Somewhere along the line, the pen became my sword. I became a living, breathing fencer of words. I don’t just write that way, I speak this way. Every once in a while I will look back on a letter I have written in a situation and I’m floored by my own way with words, or how I handled a particular situation in the moment. Occasionally I cringe at the words that come out of my mouth and how harsh they sound, and other times I know I am completely justified in my words, as well as my tone. Unfortunately, much like my mother, people often meet me and their perception is way off base. I’m not nice, sweet, passive, or gullible (my Mom was nice and sweet to a fault, but if you pushed her, she’d push back HARD.). I don’t play games and I don’t back down. I might take a step back so as not to end up in jail, but I have a supreme sense of right and wrong, and I will fight that to the death. That is exactly who she raised me to be.

In so many moments and situations, my mother would look at me in awe of how I handled myself, or she’d look at me with pride. I now see my brother look at me with similar awe in how I handle certain situations and people, and how I don’t back down or take no for an answer. I was born this way, it wasn’t something anyone taught me, but whenever I do it, whenever I am completely myself, I am reminded of who I am and how proud it always made her.

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These last six years have been torture without my mother. I still find myself thinking “I must tell her about this book…” or “I must tell her about this show.” and then I get emotional, because she’s not here. I made an immense deal during my move about the movers not breaking my Mom’s Tiffany lamp. I was obsessed with it. All of her other things I personally moved myself, lest I have anyone else to blame, but myself. A few months later, I bumped into it and banged it into a bookcase in my living room, leaving it partially damaged, but still in working order. I burst into tears, as if I’d just killed the woman. Not because it was a lamp, but because it was something that meant so much to her, and I’d ruined it. I was heartbroken. I later found out that since I’d saved all of the broken pieces, it can be repaired and I don’t need to agonize about it. One less thing to cry over. It still works just fine and even though I have yet to get it fixed, whenever it acts up, I know it’s my Mom looking out for me. Baby V has taken to watching it, so I know she can sense my Mom too, but that she doesn’t know who she is, so she becomes protective of me and gets angry at the lamp. It’s not easy explaining the spirit world to a kitten that doesn’t quite understand yet that I get a lot of visitors. I tend not to explain that to most people, or even say it, but it’s a huge part of who I am, so why pretend?

My Mom & I always had an agreement about “the other side” and getting messages to one another. I don’t think it took her three days after she passed away to let me know that she was ok. People can discredit that to their heart’s desire, but I know my mother and I know exactly what I experienced. I didn’t study what I studied for anyone to come along and say “I don’t believe in that.” That’s fine for you, don’t believe in it, but don’t try and take it away from those that know it exists, and know that it’s real. Because that is fucking rude and disrespectful. I wasn’t raised to be either, but was I encouraged to stand up for myself and speak up? Absolutely. Having a voice as a writer helped me overcome my shyness. I still have my quiet moments, but I am by no means shy.

Being a woman in this world can be incredibly empowering, and it can be an immense hindrance at times as well. The intense side of me is a fighter that can do anything, and the Fibromyalgia side says “I’m sick, I need help, I am staying in bed today.”

I’ve been sick for over two weeks from the stress of all that I am currently going through in my private life, and I can only say that I am truly grateful to the people that have kindly helped me through this disaster, and those that have listened to me bitch and moan. I’ve learned in the last month who is really with me and who can go screw themselves, and that extends to both WordPress and my daily life. Right now, I have a list and I’m checking it twice. If you’re not on the good side, I strongly suggest a trip to another planet where my reach simply isn’t that good. You might want to try one of the newer ones with the ridiculous names that are basically one alpha-numeric code away from being someone’s extremely bizarre password.

The song I posted today, The River, was read at my Mom’s funeral. It may not have been her philosophy for herself, but it was definitely a message for her children. It’s a reminder not to give up on yourself or your dreams, and not to let anything, not a single moment, fall by the wayside. I wish she had taken her own advice just this once.

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Six years ago, I lost my mother. She would have been 67 today, and it pains me that she is not here. Today is my mental health day to mourn her loss a bit, and take stock of where I am going and how I want to handle everything. I’m not having an easy time. I am slaying dragons and demons and sometimes I feel like my swords are dull, and I am too tired for this shit. But then I hear her voice in my head, and the blades are suddenly sharp again and the fierceness of my personality returns in full effect.

I’m my mother’s daughter. I’m going to LIVE. I don’t owe anyone anything, but I do owe it to myself to be the very best version of who I am supposed to be, who I am meant to be. My mother only ever wanted me to be myself, but she firmly believed that was a person who would succeed. On a day like today, I need to remind myself that the potential and possibility is there and always will be.

I love you Mom. Thank you, for everything.

“Seek the sweet surrender of simplicity. Listen to the sound of faith like a flute playing inside your chest. Go within. Serenity lives always within your reach.” -Ching Qu Lam