My pain has hit an all-time high. I can’t sleep, I’m struggling like a motherfucker right now to just “be”. It’s a struggle and a half, and I’ve had enough. I’m really, truly, sick and tired of this illness. In times like this, it’s harder and harder to be strong and be myself.
This just plain pisses me off. I’ve never gotten a bottle of any schedule II medicine with a refill on it. I know not a single doctor that will call it in to the pharmacy for you. You either pick up the script from the doctor’s office as a monthly refill (I had a doctor that wouldn’t even mail it across town to me, because he’d had patients “lose” the scripts too many times or tell him they never received it in the mail. I didn’t feel I should have been treated that way because of other patients, but I let it slide since he took my pain seriously.), or they demand to see you every single month. I don’t have that kind of time. I don’t take Vicodin because it doesn’t work for me, but I know a lot of people that rely on this drug during the worst of their Fibro pain, or other forms of Chronic pain. This is completely unfair to them and even worse, it adds to the stigma that pain patients are drug addicts when generally, that is NOT the case. I’ve been treated like this in the emergency room over a migraine (I did not ask for anything for pain, and yet the nurses were whispering that I “seemed like I was angling for something”. All I asked was for them to call my doctor and have him treat me since he was on staff there, nothing else. He was furious when I told him how they treated me and actually said that they should have given me a shot of morphine and sent me home, especially since I had a history and was a patient being treated year-round for migraines.), and it enraged me, so I only see more irritation in the future if a doctor messes with my medication again.
A lot of people are living with Fibromyalgia and are undiagnosed or not being treated for it. Men are much less apt to be diagnosed with it because it is considered a “woman’s illness”, but that’s total bullshit because I know more than 6 men that clearly have it.
I have never been formally treated for Fibromyalgia, and I’ve had it for more than 10 years. Initially all my doctors blew my symptoms off. They had an excuse for every single symptom I had, and chose to treat separate things. I’d be treated for the migraines, but not treated for everything else I was experiencing. At the start of it all, I had a crick in the left side of my neck for about 6-8 months that was so painful I wanted to die. An MRI showed an actual injury, I did not have a pinched nerve, so I was handed several different prescription pain medications and a prescription for muscle relaxers and informed that I would “have this for the rest of my life”. When Cymbalta was approved by the FDA and released in 2004, I demanded my doctor put me on it immediately. All of my local pharmacies didn’t even have it, they were literally calling other stores in other states to try to get it for me, but it took them months to get it in stock. My doctor went to a dinner for the drug, something he doesn’t usually do because he doesn’t have the time, and brought me back a ton of samples. For several years, Cymbalta made me feel almost normal again, until it stopped working. I tried Lyrica about five years ago and the first dose or two put me on the floor, I couldn’t even move on that stuff. I have not tried the newer drugs, but I do want to find a way to manage the pain better. I don’t know if there will ever be a cure for Fibromyalgia, but I certainly hope that the next generation gets to see one because life is way too long to suffer like this your entire life.
This FREAKS ME OUT. I have been tested for Lyme Disease more than once, but I am going to request a re-test due to some of the things I have been experiencing of late, just to be on the safe side. For some of us, I think we need to be tested and re-tested because Lyme Disease is no joke. Neither is Fibromyalgia, but there’s no denying that the symptoms are the same and if we’re not seeing any relief, maybe there’s a misdiagnosis somewhere along the line. How amazing would it be if some of us could get our lives back and not have to suffer to the extent that we do?
I don’t think it hurts to double-check and find out if any of this applies to some or maybe even all of us. Better safe, than sorry. Don’t be afraid to speak up, ask questions, and be your own advocate.
“Our worst pain is confined within our own skin.” ―Charles Frazier
Such an appropriate quote for all of us that suffer from Fibromyalgia and any form of Chronic Pain. I’m literally a step away from climbing the walls, that’s how intense my pain levels are today. Climbing up the stairs is like walking through the Gates of Hell, which seem like a vacation spot in comparison right now. Things are seriously out of control when I resort to calling my doctor.
I know I’ve been pretty silent these last few weeks. For one, I haven’t had a whole lot to say. I’m very in my own head right now. Sometime Thursday night into Friday morning, I did something to my neck and aggravated my neck and shoulders. I thought icing it up and getting some rest would help, I went out of my way Friday and today to avoid excessive stress, but it has progressively gotten worse, so I am strongly considering another ER visit, this time to a different hospital, because I’m afraid that partial paralysis is setting in from the neck up. The hospital I went to previously doesn’t have the necessary equipment (an ER with no MRI machine?! REALLY?! I’ve NEVER heard of that before, not ever.), which is extremely odd to me, but hey, that’s probably why I never have to spend time in their waiting room for more than three minutes! I can turn my body if you’re talking to me, but I can’t turn my neck because of the excruciating pain and the simple fact that it jerks itself back with a giant NO. The pain medicine isn’t working, and I don’t want to risk taking something that could make me sick again, so if this is still the same, off I go. At the very least, maybe they’ll be able to tell me what’s wrong since no one else has had any answers for me in the past three years. Plus, a prescription for muscle relaxers right now would seriously be my saving grace. You know things are bad when muscle relaxers are really the only thing that help you heal. I have an allergy, so I can’t take anti-inflammatory meds, and like I said, my neck is not responding to the pain meds. I don’t want this to get worse, obviously, but I think a stupid part of me is expecting it to heal a little on its own with lower stress and rest. The truth is, I’m tired of going through this shit all alone. It’s hard to psych yourself up for medical help when you have no idea what the end result will be, and how you’ll be able to handle it afterward.
In the meantime, I’m going to apply some arnica and try going to bed. I could do worse.