Vicious, Vicious Mood

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Do bad days ever just turn into bad months, culminating in a series of moments where you realize that you’re experiencing a bad year, or possibly bad years, plural? That’s how I’m feeling right now and yet, people refuse to mind their own business, step back, and fuck off. I should be wearing a Do Not Disturb sign as a t-shirt because I am all sorts of pissed off and there’s just no getting around it. I wish I could say it was *just* PMS (sorry guys), but honestly, I think I’ve simply reached my limit for the next 10 years worth of idiocy, ignorance, stupidity, and douche-baggery.

I actually had someone start an obnoxious passive-aggressive “fight” with me via Facebook this week. If a person doesn’t speak to me at all for well over a year and a half and then proceeds to comment on my status with a “Hehe” (My God-daughter will be three in six months, and her vocabulary is far superior to that of an almost 40 year old woman. How sad is that?!), I am going to want to harm them. This is just plain fact, though most of the time I am very good at ignoring one’s idiocy, depending on how high you are on my friendship/love scale.

Pretending to be a “friend” wanting to “brighten my day” is bullshit. If a person wants to brighten my day, there are so many private ways to do that, you do not need to do it on Facebook so that others can think you’re a good person. Moreover, either I am your friend at all times or you can fuck off. There is no middle ground. I am not here for anyone’s amusement. I take my friendships and relationships seriously because honestly, why bother if you’re not going to be genuine?! Be real. Don’t pretend with me and then passively aggressively ask me if you’ve done something wrong. Yes, you’ve done something wrong. You’ve behaved like an idiotic jack-ass and even better, everyone on Facebook gets to see how childish you are and how curt I am in turn. When I tell a person that Facebook is not the time, nor the place for this, and that if they have something to say to me personally, to do so, that does NOT mean you ask me a question via Facebook messaging. It means you put on your big girl panties and send me an e-mail like an adult (this only pertains to friends overseas. If you live in the U.S. or Canada, pick up the fucking phone. I asked several people if I was wrong and they agreed with me, so I know I’m not being childish, petty, or dramatic.). And please, do us all a favor and don’t claim that I’m a treasured friend “regardless of the miles between us or how busy our daily lives are” (I’m paraphrasing here.) when I haven’t been a treasured friend in quite some time. In fact, do yourself a very big favor and un-friend me ’cause it’s very clear to me that we are not friends, as most people on Facebook aren’t any way, despite knowing each other for 18 years.

A formerly dear friend (who I will eventually blog about because after discarding me for a guy she barely knew three years ago, I need to get the situation off my chest before I show up at her front door and do her serious harm. That’s not a threat, it’s not often I feel such anger and hatred toward someone I once loved like a sister.) once told me that it’s ok to outgrow people and move on from friendships when they no longer work for you. She also said she believes in having closure and saying something to the other person, as opposed to just leaving them hanging (apparently not, but it wouldn’t be the first time a huge lie came out of her big trap!). I did not know if I agreed back then, but now I’m feeling like maybe she was right. Of course, maybe my tolerance level just isn’t up to snuff this week/month/year. Who knows? Who cares? Vicious mood shall remain vicious. I have a weekend full of sports to take out my hostility on.

I’ll be back with your usually scheduled insanity when my post-concussion nausea and dizziness subside. Does anyone have any ginger? This is NOT the time for me to run out of ginger tea. Note to self: Buy stock in Lipton.

Shake It Out

*This was one of the best performances on The Voice this season. They lost me as a viewer about a month ago, even though I swore I’d get caught up, I really haven’t had the desire to tune in. Eliminating the true talent they had this season angers me. None of them deserved to go home, especially Judith Hill who is extraordinarily talented. I guess the winner will be determined Monday night, with or without my viewership. Maybe I’ll catch up with it at some point, maybe not. 

I’m so glad Christina will be back in her chair for Season 5. I’ve really missed her and the humorous banter between her and the guys. Shakira held her own, but she was not consistently entertaining.*

Dear Mother Nature…

Dear Mother Nature,

When you allow your meteorologists to predict rain that does not fall, and they also predict 50 degree temperatures that turn out to be more like 70 degrees, I do not appreciate it. My bones and muscles cannot tolerate the constant back and forth, and my head can’t stand the upswing in noise that warmer weather brings out of others. My newfound allergies can’t handle your bizarre changes that increase the pollen count to the point where I can’t breathe, and I don’t have breathing problems, so this is especially irritating. Pick a season, stick with it, that way I can leave the air on, or the heat, as opposed to going back and forth. Also, I would appreciate some cool rain to come out of nowhere to stifle the 70+ degree temps that are predicted for the next 7 days. I am sure you will hear from me again as it continues to “heat up”. You know how I hate the summer. It’s evil, unnatural, and makes me hibernate with enormous cups of ice and multiple bottles of iced tea and Polar Seltzer (Shameless plug! If anyone finds the new flavors, let me know how they are.). My body wasn’t meant to tolerate temperatures over 65 degrees.

Please consider my issues and I’ll try to leave you some chocolate during the next Full Moon.

No One Plans On Being Sick

When I say that I was home for the past two days, sick and in bed, that’s not an exaggeration.

I was not sick, laying on the couch watching TV (Lets be serious, there’s nothing on. I have hundreds of channels, including movie channels and there is still nothing on. This doesn’t even shock me anymore, but it does aggravate me whenever I pay the bill.). I was not anywhere, except out like a light in bed, waking up only to take pain medicine & Valerin (It works for muscle aches & pains, back & neck spasms, as well as anxiety. Google it if you’re into homeopathic remedies, it works.) at the appropriate times. It’s so rare that I am feeling so bad that I will allow myself to go back to bed at 8:30 in the morning after a decent night’s sleep, but on the rare occasion that it happens, I’m not about to beat myself up over it. Shit happens, life happens, and no one plans on getting sick. No one plans on being in pain either.

Tuesday was the same as Monday, only round two came with a migraine from hell. Two rounds of medication, fluids, and no relief. I just took my third round of medication. With all that caffeine in my system, I am sure I will eventually bounce off the walls. I can’t have that much caffeine in my system without some negative side effects because I had to give up coffee and most caffeinated beverages years ago due to said migraines.

I slip up every now and then. I’ll be driving past Dunkin Donuts (or Starbucks) and need a fix. I prefer Dunkin Donuts because they’re one of the only places I can get blueberry coffee. I know it sounds weird to anyone that hasn’t had it, but I’m telling you it tastes like a blueberry muffin. Heaven. Plus, they’re not insulted when I ask for half caf, half decaf, not when I then go on a week long binge of iced coffee in a multitude of different flavors (Blueberry Vanilla, Vanilla Coconut, Raspberry Mocha, etc.). My soda crutch is Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper, but it takes me forever to drink a two liter bottle of it. By the time I am nearing the end of a bottle, it has to be spilled out. I try to be good and stick to Polar Seltzer (If you live in Bucks County and you know where they’re selling all the good flavors, please let me know because I am convinced I have to go home to MA and drive back with twelve cases!!), water, and green tea about 95% of the time. Again, I have slips, but they’re not huge and they don’t last long, so I’ve become very sensitive to caffeine. Sometimes it really helps my headaches, and sometimes it makes them worse. But I outright refuse to give up chocolate. A girl can live with a lot of things, even in this kind of pain, but she cannot go through life without chocolate. So, as long as it’s not going to kill me due to a serious allergy, my “hips don’t lie” because I’m a dark chocolate fiend.

So, where was I? Sick, in bed, pain, sleeping, migraine, caffeine, blah, blah, blah. It’s been a vile start to the week for me and I am hoping it gets better soon.

On the plus side, I was nominated for an award and I am going to acknowledge that as soon as my eyes can stare at the screen for more than a few minutes at a time without the required use of nausea medication (I’m a mess, I know!). I’m very humbled by this, and am now desperately searching for 10 additional people that I can nominate. I’ve already got 5, I think, and this particular award calls for 15. When I haven’t been blinded by pain, I’ve been searching blogs and I think I’ve come up with some really cool people to, hopefully, introduce some of you to. There are so many quality blogs on this site and I am in real awe of some of them. Each of them are doing something completely different from me, and for me to be intrigued enough to stick with anyone, their material has to be interesting, funny, or we’ve got to have some basic common interests (music, movies, books, a love of cooking, etc.). Just because I didn’t personally nominate someone doesn’t mean I think any less of them either.

I will be back with something solid as soon as I have one head, instead of two (I do think the back of my head is growing another one.  I’m not sure that will even be helpful!). I certainly wish a far better week for all of you.

Witching Hour M…

Witching Hour Musings

“Don’t be ashamed to weep; ’tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us.” ―Brian Jacques, Taggerung

This Is Resonating With Me Right Now

This Is Resonating With Me Right Now

This song has been resonating with me quite a bit of late. My playlist is always on Shuffle, and lately this song finds me whenever my thoughts are somewhere else. It brings me back to the present and gets me thinking. It’s not going to be to everyone’s liking, but I’m loving it.

Daylight

Daylight

This is my first time seeing this, and it is so touching. I hope it brightens at least one person’s day.

Being Single On Valentine’s Day

Being Single On Valentine’s Day

There is a terrible stigma for women who find themselves single on Valentine’s Day, and I, for one, find it sickening.

Every time someone asks me about my boyfriend/husband, and I don’t mean people I know, I mean complete strangers, and I tell them I am not currently in a relationship, they behave in the most astounding way. The questions are invasive, a little rude, and sometimes I walk away amused, other times I walk away wondering what is wrong with other people.

After a really awful year (and there have been so many I can’t keep count any more), I usually treat myself to something nice, and often times it’s a piece of jewelry. I was in Lowes’ of all places a few years ago and a woman working there grabbed my hand at the register. She oohed and aahed over my ring and then asked me when I was getting married. I almost laughed in her face, until I realized that for someone her age, a woman wearing a diamond ring could ONLY mean that she was getting married, it couldn’t mean “I’ve had a hard year, I work hard, and I treated myself to something beautiful that I enjoy looking at every day, as a reminder of my perseverance.” I explained that I’d been through a hard year and had treated myself to the ring. She dropped my hand and all of her enthusiasm went right out the window. Why do women behave like that? Can’t a pretty ring just be something pretty? Can’t we just be nice to one another and wish each other the best in life? That’s how I was raised, not to be jealous, rude, or make assumptions, but to wish people well and wish them the best, even if they aren’t the nicest of people.

Is it some kind of sin to be a single woman? Not from where I’m sitting. I may not have the perfect life, but I have one and I live it the way I want to, most of the time. I don’t justify my time to anyone, I plan and go on my own vacations, I don’t fight with anyone over the remote, no one is judging my taste in books, music, sports teams, or asking me why I’m wearing make-up (except for my brother, who always asks these questions and never ceases to judge).

No, this isn’t my take on how all relationships function, but I do worry about women who completely lose themselves within the confines of any relationship and turn into doormats for their partners, not because they don’t have a mind of their own, but because they’ve forgotten they have a mind of their own!

This country is so obsessed with weight (Apparently any female over a size 2-4 is considered some kind of large farm animal. At my absolute thinnest I was never a size 4, so MOOOOO!!), looks, money, power, social status, and a plethora of “stuff”, that often times people forget to look very closely at the person they are in a relationship with.

Not all guys are wonderful and not all guys are horrible. Not all guys are liars and cheaters. The same is true for us women, guys. We’re not all bitches from hell, we’re not all your “viper of an ex-girlfriend/ex-wife”, etc. There are still good people in this world, and unfortunately Valentine’s Day sort of shines a Beyonce type stage light on the single folk, whereas everyone in a relationship is somehow considered “lucky, blessed”, and the fact that marriage is hard work is never even mentioned.

The marriages I have as my prime examples have never, from the outside, looked easy. My personal family history was tumultuous at best. The marriages that lasted “‘til death do we part” were the ones established in the 30’s, 40’s, and one that lasted for 49 years and only ended due to my Uncle passing away, or I can assure you they would still be together, as they’d been together since they were kids. Those were not easy relationships, but the love was there, sometimes thinly veiled beneath arguments regarding children, grandchildren, politics, religion, every day life, etc., but it was there and they were rooted in foundations built upon so many things.

I can almost hit triple digits with the amount of divorced people I know and the number of times they’ve been divorced. The sanctity of marriage is damn near a joke to people these days, yet somehow people think we have the right to say no to gay marriage. We don’t have that right. To take basic human rights away from human beings is disgusting. This is the 21st century people. If you don’t like it, that’s fine, stay with whoever it is you’re in a relationship with, but don’t tell others that the fact that they love each other is wrong.

Being single is not a crime, being single on Valentine’s Day is not the end of the world. Flowers and candy don’t impress me when it’s only done once a year. When you take the time to be a partner every single day, to take care of me when I’m sick, to ask me how my day was and really listen, that’s much more impressive than if you make a last minute trip to the flower shop on Valentine’s Day or if you spend several hundred dollars to send me roses.

So yes, I was single this year for Valentine’s Day. I might not be a year from now, but if I am, I’m going to own it and not act like it’s the end of the world because it’s not. If you don’t learn how to be by yourself and be good to yourself, no one will ever come along and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Women who treat themselves as Queens will always attract Kings, just make sure your King isn’t romancing any ideas of having multiple wives.

Hope you all had a good Valentine’s Day and felt loved by someone, be it a partner, a family member, your children, or a pet. If you felt loved by everyone in your life, then you ARE blessed.