Community Service

“Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” It’s often a bit of an odd phrase/question, especially if you wake up on the same side of the bed most mornings (or for those of us who suffer from any form of depression or chronic pain, whenever the hell we are able to wake up, thanks!), but today I definitely woke up as Vicious McVickerson.

I’ve been having some very real problems with post-concussion syndrome for the last month or so. I’ve had concussions before (I could rival most hockey players, and that’s not me being cute or funny. I had my first documented one before age 3. My second was acquired by age 4. Way too early a start, believe me.), but the side effects have, up until now, rarely started to slowly change my life. Other than migraines and a lot of the Fibromyalgia/Migraine related side effects that a lot of people are familiar with, I’ve pretty much stayed the course with small doses of weirdness thanks to old gymnastics injuries, but this time around, it has affected so much more than I thought it ever would. Seeing stars the next morning should have clued me in, but I was trying to stay calm and positive. I’m an idiot. You’ll never get me to admit that openly again because I refuse to make the same mistake twice.

My memory is really horrible. Post-It Notes and notebooks are my new best friend, but finding and keeping a pen is hard because I am constantly putting them down, throwing them into my purse, my laptop bag, my nightstand, you get the drift. I can lose and systematically re-locate about ten pens in a day, it’s awful. I go into rooms now and have absolutely no idea why I’m there. It might take me an hour to remember why I walked into the laundry room, the kitchen, or even the bathroom. I just stand there and say “What am I doing here? Did I need something?” I’ll walk upstairs and stand at the top of the staircase with a questioning look on my face, and suddenly remember I need to be downstairs.

The nausea, dizziness, balance/coordination issues are insane. I’ve also noticed some changes in my vision, and in the severity of my headaches, so I am going to get my eyes checked ASAP to make sure everything is status quo. The only thing I should need is a new prescription for contacts and glasses, and hopefully that is all that will be found since I won’t be able to make it out to my normal eye doctor who is familiar with my case and who I trust. I hate not going back to her this time around, but I honestly can’t sit for 45 minutes, or longer, just to get there, and then have to do it all over again to come home. I don’t have the patience to sit and focus, and my pain levels, while significantly lower for now that the weather has gotten a bit tamer, are slowly creeping back up. Stress is not a PCS sufferers’ friend, which rings true for PTSD, and chronic pain of every kind.

Today is a blah day for me, even though it’s gorgeous outside, unlike yesterday where the entire day was primarily dark grey, cloudy, and had more than its fair share of torrential and less intense downpour. I think the world will be a better place if I just stay in my room until I calm down from whatever it is that set me off. I’d rather growl at the right people, as opposed to those who don’t deserve it. Call it community service. LOL.