Veteran’s Tragic Suicide Note Leaves CNN Host Speechless, Forgive Me This Is Tough

Veteran’s Tragic Suicide Note Leaves CNN Host Speechless, Forgive Me This Is Tough

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/31/veterans-tragic-suicide-note-leaves-cnn-host-speechless-forgive-me-this-is-tough/

*Yet, I get condemned for stating the obvious. No one should EVER have to feel this way and I agree, the medical community is afraid to treat thanks to the DEA’s fear tactics. I’ve had two of my treating physicians paid visits by them for barely prescribing pain medicine to migraine and pain patients. How is it wrong to give a patient 5 pills because she’s moving to a new state and you don’t want her to end up in the Emergency Room? It is wrong to be a doctor and NOT be able to treat your patients as you see fit. After medical school and completing your residency, you’re licensed to be able to prescribe medication and, most importantly, help people. If you’re being crippled by the government, you might as well NOT go into such immense debt to become a physician.*

Israeli Invention May Spare Visit To Doctor…

Israeli Invention May Spare Visit To Doctor…

http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4443648,00.html?sm=Blog&s_src=FB&s_subsrc=NEX1312XXEXXX

Ever since I first heard about this invention earlier in the year, I was quite fascinated by the prospect of it. Factoring in that a standard doctor’s appointment, without insurance, is about $150-$175 in my area, I think this is worth it. Especially for those of us that find it hard to physically get to a doctor’s office due to pain, not to mention the exhaustion and weakness that often accompanies it, or have to commute more than five minutes to a primary care doctor. Some of my doctors are more than an hour away, so this would make a huge difference for me when it pertains to certain things. Anyone else think this is interesting?

I believe the article credit goes to United With Israel. 

 

Rethinking Mental Illness

Rethinking Mental Illness

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jazmin-kay/running-from-crazy_b_4201264.html?utm_hp_ref=healthy-living&ir=Healthy+Living

I came across this and I do agree that we need to talk about it. It needs to stop being treated like something we can only speak of in hushed tones. The increased rate of suicide in people being treated for various forms of depression has drastically increased over the last few years, and yet, when you tell a doctor or a therapist that you think of suicide often and that you have a plan, they don’t take you seriously unless they believe you need to be hospitalized. The truth is, if someone is going to follow through on suicide, they aren’t going to discuss it with anyone. It’s a very personal, private thing.

I lost someone very dear to me to suicide 20 years ago. One of my brother’s best friends committed suicide eight years ago, less than a year after being discharged from the Army Rangers. I have very close friends that have lost siblings and other family members to suicide, so I don’t find it a laughing matter in any capacity. I, myself, am extremely open about these topics and I discuss them at length in the most direct fashion possible. I detest the stigma placed upon people who suffer from depression, and the labels and whispers that follow in their wake. It enrages me.

Don’t be afraid to get help or to talk about what you feel. Be afraid if you don’t talk about it.

FDA Restricts Hydrocodones

FDA Restricts Hydrocodones

http://www.fmcpaware.org/fda-restricts-hydrocodones-to-schedule-ii

This just plain pisses me off. I’ve never gotten a bottle of any schedule II medicine with a refill on it. I know not a single doctor that will call it in to the pharmacy for you. You either pick up the script from the doctor’s office as a monthly refill (I had a doctor that wouldn’t even mail it across town to me, because he’d had patients “lose” the scripts too many times or tell him they never received it in the mail. I didn’t feel I should have been treated that way because of other patients, but I let it slide since he took my pain seriously.), or they demand to see you every single month. I don’t have that kind of time. I don’t take Vicodin because it doesn’t work for me, but I know a lot of people that rely on this drug during the worst of their Fibro pain, or other forms of Chronic pain. This is completely unfair to them and even worse, it adds to the stigma that pain patients are drug addicts when generally, that is NOT the case. I’ve been treated like this in the emergency room over a migraine (I did not ask for anything for pain, and yet the nurses were whispering that I “seemed like I was angling for something”. All I asked was for them to call my doctor and have him treat me since he was on staff there, nothing else. He was furious when I told him how they treated me and actually said that they should have given me a shot of morphine and sent me home, especially since I had a history and was a patient being treated year-round for migraines.), and it enraged me, so I only see more irritation in the future if a doctor messes with my medication again.

What Fibromyalgia Feels Like

What Fibromyalgia Feels Like

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http://www.fmnetnews.com/fibro-basics/symptoms

A lot of people are living with Fibromyalgia and are undiagnosed or not being treated for it. Men are much less apt to be diagnosed with it because it is considered a “woman’s illness”, but that’s total bullshit because I know more than 6 men that clearly have it.

I have never been formally treated for Fibromyalgia, and I’ve had it for more than 10 years. Initially all my doctors blew my symptoms off. They had an excuse for every single symptom I had, and chose to treat separate things. I’d be treated for the migraines, but not treated for everything else I was experiencing. At the start of it all, I had a crick in the left side of my neck for about 6-8 months that was so painful I wanted to die. An MRI showed an actual injury, I did not have a pinched nerve, so I was handed several different prescription pain medications and a prescription for muscle relaxers and informed that I would “have this for the rest of my life”. When Cymbalta was approved by the FDA and released in 2004, I demanded my doctor put me on it immediately. All of my local pharmacies didn’t even have it, they were literally calling other stores in other states to try to get it for me, but it took them months to get it in stock. My doctor went to a dinner for the drug, something he doesn’t usually do because he doesn’t have the time, and brought me back a ton of samples. For several years, Cymbalta made me feel almost normal again, until it stopped working. I tried Lyrica about five years ago and the first dose or two put me on the floor, I couldn’t even move on that stuff. I have not tried the newer drugs, but I do want to find a way to manage the pain better. I don’t know if there will ever be a cure for Fibromyalgia, but I certainly hope that the next generation gets to see one because life is way too long to suffer like this your entire life.

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Photo Credits: Shaun & Dawn

100 symptoms of Fibromyalgia

For everyone who makes it sound like Fibromyalgia will get better or simply go away. Nice try. Making a photocopy of this for future reference.

Changing The Pain Scale

Changing The Pain Scale

Has anyone else been dealing with an outrageous level of pain over these last few days? I wish I could say it was all due to the rain affecting my area, but my pain actually escalated once the rain was out of the area. Bizarre, right?

I’ve never felt that the doctor/hospital grade pain scale is one that can truly be used on anyone who suffers from any form of Chronic Pain. It’s so ludicrous for me to ever be able to say “I’m at a one.” when in reality, my daily pain levels rarely, if ever, reach a one. Our bodies are over-producing pain, so our scales should read something like this.

#1- “I feel good, lets wait five minutes, the dynamic can change in an instant.”

#2- “I told you the dynamic would change. Weren’t you listening?”

#3- “I’m used to this level, it’s what chronic pain sufferers often call “normal”. The truth us, there’s nothing “normal” about it.

#4- “Shit, where did that new twinge come from?!”

#5- “Great, my day is officially SHOT TO SHIT!!!

#6- “Taking something for the pain. Cannot allow it to escalate over a 6. In fact, I refuse to allow it to escalate over a 6.”

#7- “Motherf!@#$%! The pain has escalated OVER a 6.”

#8- “Trying to remain calm through this pain, so I don’t flip the hell out and do something I will regret.”

#9- Writing down things we might regret.

#10- Getting to 10 is not a goal. It’s something that happens all too frequently. For a “normal” person, they’d be demanding pain meds at their doctor’s office or the ER. They’d be screaming for that medicine like they were giving birth without an epidural, or like someone was cutting them open and burning them at the same time. Somehow, we manage to endure a 10 when it’s really a 50. When we emerge, we’re back between a 3 and a 5, but we know 10/50 is always in sight.

The pain scale for sufferers of any form of Chronic Pain needs to change.

Nurses

Nurses

I take great issue with the medical field on a whole, but as someone with doctors in her family, I can only hope they also know that nurses are often smarter than they are, they’re the ones that spend the most time at the hospital, the ones who do the most “caring”. I’ve known some great  nurses in my life and have had to tell many off for various reasons. However, this article caught my eye this morning and after the last few weeks of enduring so much crap, this story sort of broke me into tears. It would be very sad for anyone to read this and not be able to shed a single tear. I know I did. It definitely put a lot into perspective for me as well. So, know that it’s sad, but I still encourage you to read it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-spohr/nicu-nurses-on-the-wings-of-a-nightingale_b_3353060.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl4%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D324152

A Story About Pain

A Story About Pain

http://jennytrout.blogspot.com/2013/05/you-sound-like-you-want-to-be-sick-aka.html?zx=8d2023dda000dedb

This blog post blew me away. I cannot say I am shocked at the extent of the medical treatment, especially after what I’ve recently experienced and what I’ve been through in the past. I had to share this though. Hope it helps someone and gains Jen a new reader or two. =)

Two Full Weeks

Two Full Weeks

As many of you know I have been without power since 9:30 a.m. on May 13th. It may not have been “Friday the 13th“, but it was still a supremely bad day for me. It’s cause is personal and yes, I am angry about it. Too many people presume that kindness equates to weakness. In my case, it really, really doesn’t. This has really made me re-evaluate a lot of things in my life, especially as I embark on week 3.

#1- I watched an insane amount of TV prior to not having power. I am sure that won’t change once the power goes back on (Please God, SOON!), but not having a TV, DVR, Blu-Ray player, OnDemand, or even a battery operated radio has shown me that I waste a lot of time. Knowing that doesn’t make me feel very good, despite the fact that I never, ever spend days on end in front of anything. A few hours here and there when I need to clear my mind. I suppose the things I watch are kind of like cigarettes & alcohol in some bizarre analogy, though far easier to “quit”, even if only temporarily. Besides, we all have a show or a movie that we can watch on a loop, that we love. I worry about people who don’t have one guilty pleasure in that sense.

#2- I’ve been dealing with some supremely unhappy, tumultuous, potentially life-altering things in my personal life for quite some time. Not just my physical health, but my mental health as well. When my health insurance was unceremoniously cut back in November & my therapist called to say she couldn’t see me until it was reinstated I said, “There goes my sanity.” and she LAUGHED. Since when is a person’s sanity a fucking joke?! She laughed and said “You’ll be fine.”, and that was the end of that conversation. I was dismissed, abandoned by someone I had come to trust, and it’s definitely affected me and how I deal with new people.

She & I have a great rapport, I am 100% myself with her no matter what, so believe me when I say that when I go back, she’s going to catch absolute hell for that comment, as well as for the message she left me back in January when I called her mid-breakdown. A message in which she stated that she couldn’t talk to me unless I had insurance and/or an appointment to see her, and that I should go to the emergency room. Guess what people….. ER’s are NOT equipped to handle depression of any kind, unless you want to harm yourself or you want to be hospitalized. They’re equipped to handle it if you’re over age 55, but God forbid you be under age 55, you’re basically shown the door. Is mental health in this country nothing, but a fucking joke to people?! Personally I don’t find anything amusing about it. How many people over age 55 are shooting up schools, going back to their former place of employment and killing people after being fired, etc.? I’m not saying every single situation of that nature has involved mental illness, not by a long shot, but being told to “Go home and take a pill.” is a seriously grave insult. Not just to me, but to many others. My recent ER visit did involve me inquiring about help for depression & anxiety and the doctor wouldn’t even come downstairs to speak with me. I explained that I just wanted to find a balance while I go through the process of having my insurance reinstated. I was referred to a different hospital for treatment, and simply handed Map Quest directions after they spent hours amping up my blood pressure (unless you piss me off, my blood pressure is never 170/110. For me, that’s not normal in the least!), and running tests to determine the extent of my previously aforementioned concussion. When I followed up on their referral to the other hospital, I was informed that they ONLY handle hospitalizations and that I needed to call a different facility that could handle “my type of problem”. Nice, hmm? The third place hasn’t even called me back and it’s been over a week, so either they’re not good at returning phone calls or they really don’t give a flying fuck. My guess is the latter.

I am still feeling the effects of the concussion and trying to recover slowly. I already know it can take weeks, months, or years to be “back to normal” after a severe concussion that literally made me see stars. Right now, just putting my hair up makes the “smack spot” ache like I just bashed it into the armoire again. Forget a ponytail or anything complicated, I might as well just stay in bed and cry. That’s ok, I don’t have to be pretty, I just have to keep it out of my face and off my neck.

Back to the point at hand: Telling me, or anyone, to “take a pill” is only apropos if it’s a headache, or something minor that responds to medication. Why would anyone listen to that kind of “medical advice” (and I use the term so loosely I hope they can hang themselves with it.)?! It’s NOT medical advice, it’s the beginning, the very start, of malpractice. Watch for it closely. It’s easy to see. Doctors of late only care about Covering Their Own Ass, not so much about helping a damn soul. Why spend money to go to medical school if you can’t follow something as simple as the proper etiquette of your job?! If you are an inadequate doctor then it is your duty to find one who is not inept. The last time I checked “Do No Harm” was more than just a canceled TV show (But hey, if Steve Pasquale was my doctor, I’d definitely go into the office more often. Someone get him on a new show STAT! I am mesmerized by my fellow Scorpio, despite his being married, which does ruin some of the fun for me. LOL.).

#3- The writer finally has time to immerse herself in reading. I’ve read about ten books that I’ve been putting off, and I’ve got another 8 on hold. It’s been a really long time since I’ve utilized a library for reading purposes, but I’ve been having a blast reading and returning books in such quick succession.

If you have never read anything by Chris Kuzneski, I strongly urge you to do so. I’ve read almost all of his books thus far and I’m about to read Death Relic. He is remarkably talented, a total hidden gem. You can learn more about him at: www.chriskuzneski.com. Chris has great characters, their sense of humor and dialogue tends to crack me up.

As for other books: I stayed up ‘til 5:00 a.m. the other day reading Divergent. It was so good I read it a second time before I returned it. I’m enthralled with this story and I am going to snag Insurgent ASAP. If you haven’t read it, I strongly urge you to find a copy. I’ve got a date with my local Walmart or Target as soon as humanly possible for both of these books.

#4- I’ve had no time to write. That’s one of the down-sides of not being able to plug your laptop into the wall whenever you please. I am at the library 2-4 days each week to check e-mail, re-charge my laptop, Kindle Fire, and cell phone. These have become my life-lines. Just keeping a little food on hand is a struggle without a working refrigerator. I am NOT looking forward to cleaning it out once the power comes back on, but I’m glad there wasn’t a lot in it to begin with. That will help. That, paper towel, and a full bottle of antibacterial spray. If you knew just how much I hate to put on gloves and clean anything smelly, you’d know the look on my face is one of total grossed out disgust.

In this vein, things aren’t all bad, but they’re definitely not all good either. People keep asking me when my power will be back on and the answer is: I don’t know. I have already had to sell some extremely personal items over the last five months to try and keep my head above water, and am now looking for another item I can sell to get them to turn me back on. A newer client I was editing for screwed me out of her remaining payment plan (to the tune of $1700, so anyone who thinks they’ll be getting their work for free via BSF has got the next thing coming. Payments have to be made, unless you pick up the phone and make arrangements with me for less on a payment here and there. I’m agreeable, and I “get it”. I am well aware that we all have bills to pay, that many of us are struggling, that the economy sucks, etc., but this is my livelihood, and my electric company was completely unwilling to work out arrangements with me. In fact, they shut me off without even notifying me, which is illegal, yes.). That’s how this happened. Anyone willing to take me on as their editor and pay me in small amounts so I can get turned back on will get my very best editing and will, right now, be my only client, so if you need someone or you know someone that does, give me a holler. E-mail me immediately, I will get back to you as quickly as I can.

So, there you have it folks. My life is insane right now, but I am doing my best to put it back on track. Wish me good luck, I definitely need it. If I owe anyone a response to an e-mail or message, I promise to get back to you ASAP.

Hugs to all…..Li