Posted byMiss Poison
Posted onAugust 8, 2014
Posted underA Life Of Storms, Darkness, Light, Stress, Struggles
CommentsLeave a comment
“Light is creation. Darkness is the space necessary to create.” -Erica Jasmin Cartaya
Let The Darkness…
“Let the darkness find you if it must. Throw off the quick and tempting escapes, and seek help only from those who would teach you to grow, feed your soul, embrace your heart, but would not steal away your journey.” ―Jennifer DeLucy
If You Live In The Dark…
“If you live in the dark a long time and the sun comes out, you do not cross into it whistling. There’s an initial uprush of relief at first, then-for me, anyway- a profound dislocation. My old assumptions about how the world works are buried, yet my new ones aren’t yet operational. There’s been a death of sorts, but without a few days in hell, no resurrection is possible.” ―Mary Karr
I’m upset, very much so. Now I have a LOT to be upset about, I’m going through a really horrible time in my life right now. I keep a lot of things private for obvious reasons, as I am sure most of us do, but the thing I am upset about in the moment is that I lost out on kitten #2 a few nights ago. If you’ve been reading this blog for longer than two minutes, you know that I lost my baby girl in January (They say time heals all wounds. Whoever “they” are, I’m going to take a bat or a hockey stick to them the next time “they” come around.) and that I have slowly been trying to adopt again. A shelter adopted out a Bombay kitten I thought would be mine without even telling me, so I am pretty much sick of dealing with these places since they’ll take your money and then say “Whoops!” when they adopt out the kitten/cat you’ve applied for. At least let a person know that the animal is being adopted, that way they don’t get their hopes up, prepare for their arrival, etc. I called a place the other day and they assured me that once I pay, those kittens are MINE. However, I don’t look forward to this specific trek because I’ve never been there before and I don’t want to be told the kittens are available and after three hours, find out they’ve already been adopted, so I’m taking a pass after this most recent heartbreaking episode.
My sanity pretty much depends on kittens at this point. It might seem ridiculous, but if you’ve had animals your entire life, or for an immense chunk of your life, and suddenly the only person you have to talk to each day is yourself, you can understand why I feel borderline insane at the moment.
I’d finally found a kitten (pictured above. Have you seen anything this gorgeous?! I’m blown away by how beautiful she is.) that I 100% connected with on Craigslist. So gorgeous and unique, I had that sudden surge of “Woo hoo! I FOUND HER!!”, which I have not had once in my entire search. I’ve been lukewarm or “I’ll grow to love her.” in my choices thus far. No one is going to replace my baby, that’s like trying to replace your child, it doesn’t happen. I contacted the owner/foster parent to meet with her and a few hours later she e-mails me back to say she’s being adopted, but that if the people adopting her don’t want her, she’ll let me know. Later in the evening the ad was deleted, so clearly she was taken. I actually sat and cried, which I don’t usually do over much. Maybe it was frustration, maybe it was a feeling I simply had, I don’t know.
I’m sick of all this. I can’t tell you how many phone calls I made the other afternoon (and how many I’ve been making since March/April) inquiring about kittens within a 100 mile radius. I shouldn’t so much as look at them because each time I inquire about one, there is something wrong with the animal health wise (they don’t want you to know that until after you’ve paid them, but I demand the medical records for a reason. Naturally I expect normal vet bills with any animal, but I’d also like to be able to do that from the confines of a roof over my head, and I am sure many people can relate and/or agree with me on this. We want our animals to be happy and healthy.) or they’re halfway out the door. I get it, I really do, but if every shelter is “full to capacity with kittens”, shouldn’t there be more kittens, not less, for a person like me to adopt?
The places I refuse to do business with are the ones that literally want to move in with you for a day or two to find out what kind of “parent” you will be (I’m exaggerating, but you get the general idea). I get annoyed when anyone wants to invade my personal space. I do NOT play well with others, unless they’re small and fluffy. Get a reference from my vet, from close friends, but in a house with no other pets and only a visiting child under the age of three, I think we’re good here, ya know? I was told Craigslist was a great way to adopt an animal (or several) that has already been de-wormed, with all their shots, that would already be spayed, etc., but thus far I’ve mostly found shelters pushing animals I don’t want at me. If I wanted a dog, I would have one. I don’t, ’cause I’m basically a cat myself and want to be around my own kind.
The last time I went more than a few years without a cat, I just about lost my mind. So, if you’re any kind of animal person and understand where I’m coming from, wish me luck on my search. My next adoption option is in the Main Line (Maybe I’ll run into the Pretty Little Liars…). It’s close enough that if I don’t find a special little someone to bring home, I can go back until I do. This place is helping out several shelters that are overcrowded and they’ve already adopted out close to 1500 cats and kittens. $25 to adopt a kitten that already has everything it needs (and has already been spayed/neutered), but a microchip is a steal and cats over 6 months old are $1. I will be posting an ad for this event because I think if anyone wants to check it out, it’s worthwhile. Lord knows I am not the only cat person in the state of Pennsylvania, but I still get the distinct impression I will have to go back to my roots and adopt at North Shore Animal League. Either way, I am looking forward to bringing home some light into the darkness that is my life.