How Many Days….
“How many days have left you in tears, wondering, and not fully comprehending, why people feel the need to tear you down to bits and lie to your face about things that do not pertain to the matter at hand…?” -Rachel Locke
*This was 100% the afternoon I had, as I testified on my own behalf to get my health insurance reinstated. I walked out in tears and now my fate rests in the hand of a judge (and my doctor FINALLY getting off his ass and submitting my complete medical file. He’s had an entire year to do this, and I’m fed up with the bullshit. There’s simply no excuse at this point!). I desperately need the medication I was previously taking for the Fibromyalgia and my health benefits on a whole so I can get everything else regarding my health (migraines, neck injury, hip injury, etc.) to some semblance of ok, as opposed to “normal”. Nothing is perfect, but this shit set me back YEARS because I was in the midst of trying to stabilize the pain on all fronts and then this crap happened. My benefits were unceremoniously cut off a year ago without any warning whatsoever, which in this particular situation, is illegal. Two companies are blaming the other as opposed to either of them taking responsibility, but all I want is my benefits so I can get my medication again. I shouldn’t have had to explain myself or discuss my medical history or answer ridiculous questions as if I committed a fucking crime when someone else is the screw-up, not me. I had to keep my temper in check and remind myself that I do not look good in orange. UHHHHHH!!! I sincerely hope everyone else’s day was far superior. I wouldn’t wish this crap on ANYONE!!*
What Fibromyalgia Feels Like
A lot of people are living with Fibromyalgia and are undiagnosed or not being treated for it. Men are much less apt to be diagnosed with it because it is considered a “woman’s illness”, but that’s total bullshit because I know more than 6 men that clearly have it.
I have never been formally treated for Fibromyalgia, and I’ve had it for more than 10 years. Initially all my doctors blew my symptoms off. They had an excuse for every single symptom I had, and chose to treat separate things. I’d be treated for the migraines, but not treated for everything else I was experiencing. At the start of it all, I had a crick in the left side of my neck for about 6-8 months that was so painful I wanted to die. An MRI showed an actual injury, I did not have a pinched nerve, so I was handed several different prescription pain medications and a prescription for muscle relaxers and informed that I would “have this for the rest of my life”. When Cymbalta was approved by the FDA and released in 2004, I demanded my doctor put me on it immediately. All of my local pharmacies didn’t even have it, they were literally calling other stores in other states to try to get it for me, but it took them months to get it in stock. My doctor went to a dinner for the drug, something he doesn’t usually do because he doesn’t have the time, and brought me back a ton of samples. For several years, Cymbalta made me feel almost normal again, until it stopped working. I tried Lyrica about five years ago and the first dose or two put me on the floor, I couldn’t even move on that stuff. I have not tried the newer drugs, but I do want to find a way to manage the pain better. I don’t know if there will ever be a cure for Fibromyalgia, but I certainly hope that the next generation gets to see one because life is way too long to suffer like this your entire life.
Photo Credits: Shaun & Dawn
“To experience real agony is something hard to write about, impossible to understand while it grips you; you’re frightened out of your wits, can’t sit still, move, or even go decently insane.” ―Charles Bukowski